Thumbs up

I've dropped the Tramadol - they've given me interesting aural hallucinations.....

It's evil. Evil .... EVIL......

Interesting, but not what I needed in my ears and head!!

So down to paracetamol from now on......


Went to physio this afternoon. OUCH! She massaged, with firm pressure, cream onto my newly healing wound in small little circles. I must do this twice a day. I'm frightened, my wound will open up I think!!!

Next she made me exercise my fingers. Ha! Piece of cake.... Then she made me move the tip of my thumb.
Did it move???
Yes, yes I'm sure it did.
Physio Lady (Drat forgotton her name) said that was good.

Did she say that to everyone..........

Then she asked me to touch the tips of all my fingers with the tip of my thumb. Index finger? Easy. Middle finger? Wobbly and tender. Ring finger? Painful and just too wobbly. Little finger?? Nice Physio Lady said we'd just concentrate on the first 3 fingers for now.......

I'm hopeless


I do however have a room full of flowers..... They are lovely and it's good to know people care.

When I'd just come out of hospital Scottish Karen came laden with grapes, magazine and flowers. Perfect! The flowers passed away yesterday but I was able to save one pretty rosebud and put it in a small glass dish and it now sits on the bedside table. I love Scottish Karen, she puts up with me in all situations

Martin and CJ came a calling at the weekend. I love them to bits. They always make time for me and accept everything I do with a smile! They bought me a fabulous pair of pink earings so that when I wear them I'll always remember this time

Friends are great. They get you through the bad times as well as the good.........

Do ya know? MEathead Neighbour has taken to speaking to me, enquiring about my health!!

Oh and I have had a trip to the hairdresser and returned to brunette. Gone are the blonde locks that my Mother didn't like. Interestingly, men didn't like it either................

Dignity of grace

My house is tidy. All my ironing piles are ironed and put away. I'm eating healthy regular meals. My house looks lovely.



I am in a parallel universe.....







I am enjoying my Mom being here, I don't want her to go home.... She went out shopping today and I tried to dress myself. Well that was a disaster.



I would try wrapping your leading hand up in a bandage and have a go. Might be amusing!



Knickers went on without too much hassle. Found a huge sensible pair. A lot of huffing and puffing and realisation that my balance isn't quite right and they were up. Next my bra. Being of large bosom i need the scaffolding to balance out my body and allow my clothes to have a chance of falling okay. 17mins later i was in tears, i couldn't do up 2 back hooks despite being turned round to the front. I sat on the bed in frustration and pain as my entire thumb area sent shooting pain around my hand and up my arm.

I would persevere. And take another painkiller......



Eventually, after 35 minutes, i had managed to hook the blinking bra up and twist it almost round to cup my boobs. I say almost. i gave up halfway. It was just too much



I found a big and baggy short sleeved dress. I popped it over my head and carefully over my right hand. Somehow i had got the dress rolled up and couldn't quite get my left arm in. Again i huffed and puffed. I got my left arm in an struggled to pull the rolled and caught up dress down. 10 minutes later, exhausted, i sat on the sofa.

Mum came home and came through the French doors smiling as she praised my cleverness. I meekly smiled one side of my mouth. I tried to stand up.

'My God what on earth....'

'Don't say a word. Please just help me'

I had got so tangled up but had managed to smooth enough dress out at the front when sitting down so I looked relatively normal. Mom tried to pull the dress down at the back.

My Meathead neighbour walked passed.

My extra big pants were on show.....

Mum looked at me. I looked at Mum.

Oh the indignity of it all........

We fell about laughing. Laughing and laughing til our tummies ached.

It was a fitting end to the day...............

big op, little hand

I've had an op. My thumb area was 'a mess' according to Mr Mok. A standard 45min op ended up as 95mins!!

I'm recovering at home. Bit drugged up with painkillers, thank god. Well actually after 24hrs of no painkillers cos the dopey discharge nurse forgot to pack me off with anything. I was climbing the walls......

Most wonderful is that my Mom has made the journey up to stay with me and look after me. No matter how old i get it's always comforting to have my mom around when i'm ill. And i know when i will be feeling better as i will be desperate for her to go home.........

Physio on Tuesday - eeeiow scared of that......

The Poor Me's....

Last weekend was going to be such fun. I'd popped into Martin & CJ's for a 'quick' cuppa on the way home Friday, reminding me that Idon't meet up with them nearly as much as I should.

Saturday morning i was going to pick up my new car from the garage. As it was promising to be a fabulously warm and sunny day i planned my day with great spirit. I would walk to the garage - no need to get a cab - a 30min walk would be healthy. So at 9.15am I popped on my new skirt and tee shirt and slipped into my trusted Merrills. I'd bought this particular pair of Merrills on my Big Vacation in the States and I still wear them whenever i can.

Off i walked on the paths of the main road feeling good about the day and myself. I came to the end of the path and the next stage was a section of grass that was a little overgrown. Only another 5 mins walk now and i would get my new shiny silver car.

Suddenly i was tumbling over on the grass. I jumped up, pride makes you do that i think. Looked deeper into the grass and found a circular thin metal wire thing. i had clearly stepped on it and it popped up and I caught my other foot in it making me tumble to the ground. i checked my skirt and knees, no damage so I carried on. By the ti me I got to the garage I was in shock or running on adrenalin I think. My thumb hurt and I struggled to sign my name. I had to start the car with my left hand as my right hand hurt too much!

The day progressed and the pain got worse. I dithered and debated as to what I should do. Eventually after tapping my finger on my French doors around 4pm and recoiling in excruciating painI decided this was more than a bruised thumb.

So after a lot of tooing and froing I sat in A&E (ER) saying I thought I'd broken my thumb. I felt a fraud. There were people there with cuts to the head, limping legs, children crying. I was about to leave when the nurse came out and called my name. What should I do? They would undoubtably be cross for wasting their ti me. It's just that I am a wuss with pain

It turnned out I had broken my thumb. I burst into tears. The nurse was lovely.

I said that whilst i didn't want this it was a reaction to the validation of the pain

She smiled and gave me pills for the pain. i dithered over swallowing them. i'm one of these people that doesn't take tablets at all. Not cos I don't believe inthem or have a religious reAson, i just know that any headaches i get are usually stres or dehydration. (Boy does that frustrate Darling Daughter!) Anyway i took them as i figured this was a valid reason....

So tonight finds me struggling to write on my lap top but having survived a near overdose on prescribed painkillers, a race from DD's house in an ambulance strapped with wires and dipping in and out of consciousness, a visit to the fracture clinic today for them to tell me that it was more than a broken bone and that I'd need an urgent (but exciting, doctors eh!) restructuring op on alignment, broken bone and broken ligaments.

I felt tears sting my eyes

I was a grown up, I should be able to deal with news like this.

So i am sorry if this post sounds somewhat self pitying. But you k now what I do feel sorry for myself.

I'm frightened

There I've said it.

Me

I'm scared

I'm on my own and have no one to share these fears. I don't feel a vibrant independent woman right now. I've laughed at those documentaries that remind us that we are the sophisticated beings cos we ha ve opposable thumbs. Good grief do i REALLY understand that now.......

I am trying to come to terms with this and the realisation that it will take a while to mend.

What will I do???

Perhaps it'll be better after the op and when the hand is in a proper cast.

Now I k now so very many people experience far far worse medical traumas than this (read Whims horrifying experience) and I feel a fraud and guilty for feeling bad but I AM struggling.

The most I can hope for is 85% mobilty in my right thumb afterwards.

You know what? Stuff being healthy if this is what happens......................

quick burst

just one of those mini posts to say.......

well to say still here, still working toward Eden.... Financial ruin will hit me way before that will happen.....

Had a lovely weekend just gone. Watched old Hollywood musicals last Sunday - heaven! Saturday took The Boy to a car show. He's two and a half and can tell you his Ferrari Enzo's from his Alfa Romeo's, to Porche and Lamborghini. Even more astounding The Boy knows most of the models. Yes I was a proud Nannie but what was fabulous were the groups of super cool dudes in awe of this scrap of a chap at his ability. The Boy was unfazed and continued to inspect and enjoy the cars. He simply HAS to do omething with cars when he's older

Let's hope I financially recover and help him to do something more than a car wash attendant.....

see ya

The end of Civilisation

I had every intention of writing about my day at the local WI market and my birthday. Both notables in my life

Then I thought I'd cruise the Blogesphere first, surf or whatever it is one does when searching random Blogs. I've done this a few times recently and it never ceases to amaze me what people write and photograph. I only wish I could return 'home' with a big grin on my face.

Sadly I don't

I find it far too disturbing to see what I feel are inappropriate photographs of small children. One site sticks in my mind, one that displayed lots and lots of pics of a young dazed looking Asian lad in pants (underwear) and a tee shirt. Not one smile. I daren't look at any other posts on it. So I clicked the little 'flag for objectional content' button.

What happens when you do that? Does it get checked?

Thing is it has stayed in my mind and it won't go away. Like missing little Madeline McCann

Looking at some of my favourite Blogs tonight I read Pinks post about her passion for the death and destruction of the planet through mankind. It tapped into a part of my brain that hasn't been active for some time.

What do you do when the world is about to die?

This was a question facing me in 1996.

In 1975 in my parents pink family bathroom I sat on the edge of a bath whilst my close friend's boyfriend sat on the toilet (lid down!) and told me why I shouldn't use spray deodorants. I was horrified, garnered into saving the planet and determined that everyone else would

Oh the confidence of youth........

I wasn't perfect. I wasn't a vegan. I wore make up and leather high heeled shoes

I was on the other hand passionate about 'the cause'

Over the years I went on marches, displays, concerts and supported radical groups like Friends of the Earth, CND & Greenpeace. I had a brain and eloquence that suited my confidence and used it whenever I could. I ensured that my child was brought up on fresh organic foods in the 1980's. Processed foods were banned as my 'E for Additives' and 'How to eat Raw' books were top of the cookery book pile. I didn't have a car, I cycled everywhere. My 6 yr old was cycled to school on the back of my big old boneshaker. I refused plastic bags in preference of wicker baskets. I travelled miles to find places to recycle things that I couldn't recycle in my home. I was happy in myself and happy to show it

'People' didn't want to know. The world wanted to label people like me as raving old hippies.

Then came the 1990's

I was changing

I was not happy

I was no longer eloquent

It began in 1996. By New Years Eve 1999 I had become a different person. I had finally decided that the entire effing world was beyond care and I embraced capitalism and its sister apathy with vigour.

I didn't give up everything. Don't get me wrong. I drove not one car but many. The joy of a classic car, the excitement of a modern power car, all were to be experienced. I lost my bike along the way.... I put piles and piles of glossy magazines in my wicker baskets in my sitting rooms and bedrooms, and used plastic bags for my shopping. Sometimes I saved them to put rubbish in so that was sort of okay eh......

On an empty beach two and a half years ago, the same friend that told me about the dangers of CFC's now told me that we could not halt the destruction of the world, even if all the countries of the world cooperated immediately. It would delay it but the end result was the same.

I stood on the beach looking over at Sizewell (Nuclear Plant) and felt bereft.

What was this all about? What had we done? Why had I let myself be seduced by Ferrari and Jimmy Choo?

Within approx 10 years the now mainstream Friends of the Earth would decamp to the country they considered would be the best place to be. It wasn't going to be announced or made a big fuss of. This was all inevitable. I felt a rush of panic. I had a daughter and a grandson. What life would it be for them. And how could I get to this country, this Garden of Eden before it was too late

My Master Plan was reformed at that very moment and the plan was to do the same, move to Eden within 8 years and 'fuck you'.

It's 2008. I'm not happy. I have a poor carbon footprint that I convince myself is okay because it's better than my neighbour.

I am no closer to getting to Eden, even though I know its location.

I am angry with myself and yet still seduced into Corporate and government apathy

STOP

LET'S STOP

Let's all stop

Whatever happens will happen and I sure as Hell don't want to find when I'm dead that my conscience will be floating in the ether with heavy guilt