The end of Civilisation

I had every intention of writing about my day at the local WI market and my birthday. Both notables in my life

Then I thought I'd cruise the Blogesphere first, surf or whatever it is one does when searching random Blogs. I've done this a few times recently and it never ceases to amaze me what people write and photograph. I only wish I could return 'home' with a big grin on my face.

Sadly I don't

I find it far too disturbing to see what I feel are inappropriate photographs of small children. One site sticks in my mind, one that displayed lots and lots of pics of a young dazed looking Asian lad in pants (underwear) and a tee shirt. Not one smile. I daren't look at any other posts on it. So I clicked the little 'flag for objectional content' button.

What happens when you do that? Does it get checked?

Thing is it has stayed in my mind and it won't go away. Like missing little Madeline McCann

Looking at some of my favourite Blogs tonight I read Pinks post about her passion for the death and destruction of the planet through mankind. It tapped into a part of my brain that hasn't been active for some time.

What do you do when the world is about to die?

This was a question facing me in 1996.

In 1975 in my parents pink family bathroom I sat on the edge of a bath whilst my close friend's boyfriend sat on the toilet (lid down!) and told me why I shouldn't use spray deodorants. I was horrified, garnered into saving the planet and determined that everyone else would

Oh the confidence of youth........

I wasn't perfect. I wasn't a vegan. I wore make up and leather high heeled shoes

I was on the other hand passionate about 'the cause'

Over the years I went on marches, displays, concerts and supported radical groups like Friends of the Earth, CND & Greenpeace. I had a brain and eloquence that suited my confidence and used it whenever I could. I ensured that my child was brought up on fresh organic foods in the 1980's. Processed foods were banned as my 'E for Additives' and 'How to eat Raw' books were top of the cookery book pile. I didn't have a car, I cycled everywhere. My 6 yr old was cycled to school on the back of my big old boneshaker. I refused plastic bags in preference of wicker baskets. I travelled miles to find places to recycle things that I couldn't recycle in my home. I was happy in myself and happy to show it

'People' didn't want to know. The world wanted to label people like me as raving old hippies.

Then came the 1990's

I was changing

I was not happy

I was no longer eloquent

It began in 1996. By New Years Eve 1999 I had become a different person. I had finally decided that the entire effing world was beyond care and I embraced capitalism and its sister apathy with vigour.

I didn't give up everything. Don't get me wrong. I drove not one car but many. The joy of a classic car, the excitement of a modern power car, all were to be experienced. I lost my bike along the way.... I put piles and piles of glossy magazines in my wicker baskets in my sitting rooms and bedrooms, and used plastic bags for my shopping. Sometimes I saved them to put rubbish in so that was sort of okay eh......

On an empty beach two and a half years ago, the same friend that told me about the dangers of CFC's now told me that we could not halt the destruction of the world, even if all the countries of the world cooperated immediately. It would delay it but the end result was the same.

I stood on the beach looking over at Sizewell (Nuclear Plant) and felt bereft.

What was this all about? What had we done? Why had I let myself be seduced by Ferrari and Jimmy Choo?

Within approx 10 years the now mainstream Friends of the Earth would decamp to the country they considered would be the best place to be. It wasn't going to be announced or made a big fuss of. This was all inevitable. I felt a rush of panic. I had a daughter and a grandson. What life would it be for them. And how could I get to this country, this Garden of Eden before it was too late

My Master Plan was reformed at that very moment and the plan was to do the same, move to Eden within 8 years and 'fuck you'.

It's 2008. I'm not happy. I have a poor carbon footprint that I convince myself is okay because it's better than my neighbour.

I am no closer to getting to Eden, even though I know its location.

I am angry with myself and yet still seduced into Corporate and government apathy

STOP

LET'S STOP

Let's all stop

Whatever happens will happen and I sure as Hell don't want to find when I'm dead that my conscience will be floating in the ether with heavy guilt