The Poor Me's....

Last weekend was going to be such fun. I'd popped into Martin & CJ's for a 'quick' cuppa on the way home Friday, reminding me that Idon't meet up with them nearly as much as I should.

Saturday morning i was going to pick up my new car from the garage. As it was promising to be a fabulously warm and sunny day i planned my day with great spirit. I would walk to the garage - no need to get a cab - a 30min walk would be healthy. So at 9.15am I popped on my new skirt and tee shirt and slipped into my trusted Merrills. I'd bought this particular pair of Merrills on my Big Vacation in the States and I still wear them whenever i can.

Off i walked on the paths of the main road feeling good about the day and myself. I came to the end of the path and the next stage was a section of grass that was a little overgrown. Only another 5 mins walk now and i would get my new shiny silver car.

Suddenly i was tumbling over on the grass. I jumped up, pride makes you do that i think. Looked deeper into the grass and found a circular thin metal wire thing. i had clearly stepped on it and it popped up and I caught my other foot in it making me tumble to the ground. i checked my skirt and knees, no damage so I carried on. By the ti me I got to the garage I was in shock or running on adrenalin I think. My thumb hurt and I struggled to sign my name. I had to start the car with my left hand as my right hand hurt too much!

The day progressed and the pain got worse. I dithered and debated as to what I should do. Eventually after tapping my finger on my French doors around 4pm and recoiling in excruciating painI decided this was more than a bruised thumb.

So after a lot of tooing and froing I sat in A&E (ER) saying I thought I'd broken my thumb. I felt a fraud. There were people there with cuts to the head, limping legs, children crying. I was about to leave when the nurse came out and called my name. What should I do? They would undoubtably be cross for wasting their ti me. It's just that I am a wuss with pain

It turnned out I had broken my thumb. I burst into tears. The nurse was lovely.

I said that whilst i didn't want this it was a reaction to the validation of the pain

She smiled and gave me pills for the pain. i dithered over swallowing them. i'm one of these people that doesn't take tablets at all. Not cos I don't believe inthem or have a religious reAson, i just know that any headaches i get are usually stres or dehydration. (Boy does that frustrate Darling Daughter!) Anyway i took them as i figured this was a valid reason....

So tonight finds me struggling to write on my lap top but having survived a near overdose on prescribed painkillers, a race from DD's house in an ambulance strapped with wires and dipping in and out of consciousness, a visit to the fracture clinic today for them to tell me that it was more than a broken bone and that I'd need an urgent (but exciting, doctors eh!) restructuring op on alignment, broken bone and broken ligaments.

I felt tears sting my eyes

I was a grown up, I should be able to deal with news like this.

So i am sorry if this post sounds somewhat self pitying. But you k now what I do feel sorry for myself.

I'm frightened

There I've said it.

Me

I'm scared

I'm on my own and have no one to share these fears. I don't feel a vibrant independent woman right now. I've laughed at those documentaries that remind us that we are the sophisticated beings cos we ha ve opposable thumbs. Good grief do i REALLY understand that now.......

I am trying to come to terms with this and the realisation that it will take a while to mend.

What will I do???

Perhaps it'll be better after the op and when the hand is in a proper cast.

Now I k now so very many people experience far far worse medical traumas than this (read Whims horrifying experience) and I feel a fraud and guilty for feeling bad but I AM struggling.

The most I can hope for is 85% mobilty in my right thumb afterwards.

You know what? Stuff being healthy if this is what happens......................