A mouse among men

Yesterday I felt a little emotional - no idea why. Perhaps just a build up of life in general.
This morning I have been reading all my old posts from Oct 06 - Dec 06. I want to have a shower, pick up my passport and get to the airport to get the next available plane to ...... well anywhere!

I'm looking to get a quick trip away in November. Something to look forward to. Time to write. No time these days

I have had some lodgers here for some time and it's been really hard to sleep through the night as they make so much noise I end up having naps of about an hour at a time. So I end up going to work all crabby and shattered. It's beyond a joke. I have tried a number of standard measures to get them to move on but to no avail. I have even taken to sleeping with a large heavy solid torch by my bed to bash them with if necessary!!

I called in the experts, finally, and some young lad of about 12 turned up - a day late - and informed me he'd do what he could do that day and he'd return in 2 weeks time to see if the actions had suceeded. It'd take a while and that I'd have to live with it for a bit longer. Could I move out for a while if it distressed me so much?

Not on your life.

I am reclaiming mine.....

I was convinced I heard some screams last Saturday morning. I put my hands over my ears. I couldn't cope with the guilt.

Why couldn't they have just moved out? Why had it got to get to this stage?

12 year old boy is due back on Wednesday to see if all is well in PinkIcing home once again.

Me, I just hope that 12 year old boy has managed to poison the MICE and they really are no more........

a very special birthday

16 October is a special day

It's one of my bestest friend's birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CJ............

CJ has stuck by me through thick and thin - weight and life!

I love you loads CJ and hope that you have the very best of times xxxx

Ooo Miss Jones - part 2

'Good evening ladies and gentleman, on behalf of RAC we are delighted to be sponsoring a number of events at this years Furniture Festival..................'

I look up....frozen.... for what seems like, well, 20 minutes

The hall instantly falls stony silent

Drat I forgot to pack my lucky pants

72 hours pass.....I think...

The hall erupts into raptuous laughter

I am completely fazed and can't think what to do or say, other than my colleagues are probably slumping in their seats in the balcony in total shame making sure they can remember every little detail to recount to my boss just before he fires me.

'As you can see, I'm not really a professional orater .........'

Not a ripple

I manage to gather myself together, well of a fashion, and ramble a few sentences, making sure I get the company name in 4 times in 4 sentences.

I launch into a 'and without further ado let me welcome on stage, Sir Robin Knox Johnstone and Libby Purves'

The crowd erupt once more, this time with applause.

I smile as I turn stage right and sweepingly gesture toward the oncoming guests and back out of stage left, remembering the cables on the floor.

Should it actually be stage left when I'm on the stage? It becomes my stage right if I'm facing an audience. Just a thought....

I rush under the belly of the hall to come out the other end so I can sit in the balcony seats with my colleagues. I settle down and almost fall asleep listening to Sir Robin and Libby. Must be the stress.....

I'm suddenly poked on the shoulder by assistant 2.

Could I please come with her. It's an emergency.

Oh no. what on earth can it be? We've run out of wine? The Parma ham wrapped around the asparagus spears has hardened? Someone has eaten some of Libby's grapes in the VIP fruit bowl?

'Come this way please'

I'm led through basement tunnels.

'What's the emergency?'

'Can you just remember to thank them before you announce Sir Robin will be in the foyer?'

'I beg your pardon?'

Noooo surely not......

'To sign his book?'

I stand there, frozen, like a rabbit caught in headlights.

'I'll give you the signal when to go on stage and wrap it up'

W H A T????

I follow meekly and stand, once again, stage left.

I wait, once again, for the signal.

It isn't forthcoming

Right, that's it. Time to wrap this nonsense up.

I walk onto the stage and stop at the lecturn.

I look at Sir Robin at Libby. Sir Robin comes to the end of a sentence

'On behalf of RAC I'd like to welcome......(oh shit here I go again...) and thank you Sir Robin for sharing your views and experiences here tonight'

'We are delighted that Sir Robin will be signing copies of his latest book in the foyer, as indeed will Libby Perv....Purves'

I clap and the hall follows suit as I woosh the notable guests off the stage. I wonder, just for a fleeting second, if this is like a stage play. Do they take a bow? Do they return after a suitable pause for a bow?

Too late. I have gently ushered, well maybe ever so gently pushed the guests off via stage left into the arms of fawning assistants 1 & 2.

I am in need of a very long cool alcoholic drink!

We are all ushered from backstage into the foyer where the professionals take up their positions of fame and fortune behind a miniscual school like desk. I walk the other way searching for Tessa, my colleague.

I see Tessa coming towards me...grinning.

'I didn't know Libby Purves had a double barrelled name.......???'



And there's more.........

Brigitte Jones - part 1

Hmmm, I have been somewhat laxi...mmm, let's try that word again. Somewhat laxadazic...no that's not right. Laxidazical, lacadazicle, lackadasic. Good grief! I can't remember how to effing well spell the beeping word.

Okay. So....I have been somewhat sloppy in writing regular posts on my Blog recently and I realise I must improve, I must improve, I must improve my bust. Oooh, no that's wrong. I must improve my efforts on the Blogsphere

Just before I tell you part 2 of The Vacation, I thought I'd share my work trip last week. My colleague, Tessa, and I flew to Leeds (hardly glamorous!) to attend a sponsor evening at the Ilkley Literature Festival. I had decided on a sugar rush of Mars bar and flapjacks that I would sponsor half of the 2 week literature festival in the town we are soon to be launching a new product in. At a number of venues across the town key authors would be plugging their books through an interview on a stage. Sir Robin something-something was to be interviewed by Libby Purves (pronounced Purvis)about his life as a sailor, or adventurer, or maybe both.

Checking into the hotel after a day of meetings I relished the chance of an hours nap before showering, slapping on a load of make up to assist the Corporate smile I would need to wear during the evening, particularly during the meet and greet section of notable personages and dignatories whilst they shovelled canapes and buckets of wine that I had paid for, knowing full well they were only there for the freebies.

Oh dearie me, I love my job really......honest. I do!

Half an hour into my nap the phone rings:

'We'd be so pleased if you would agree'

'Well...do you really need me...'

'But we hardly ever get women to accept'

I'm almost sold.....

'I haven't prepared anything to say'

'Oh don't wory I have something prepared'

hmm that's a bit cart before the horse.....

'I'll give it to you at your Sponsors reception'

'But I don't really think....'

'You'll be fine, I can't wait to see them...'

'It's just that I'm not really a public speaker...'

'Libby is F A N T A S T I C...'

'I really really....'

'Oh it's going to be wonderful, we have at least 500 prebooked'

aaaah, that's supposed to help my nerves????

'I'll get someone to find you and you can stand by the lecturn...'

silence

'Your Company will get an opportunity to tell so many people all about itself'

'Right, yes, yes naturally I'll do it, yes of course'

I slump onto the bed, knowing I have no more time to relax and throw myself into the shower and begin to practice a few sentences in the hope of mastering public oration worthy of an Oscar in 5 minutes.

As I practice in front of the mirror whilst applying my make up I find I am compelled to call the Literature Festival the Ilkley Furniture Festival. This is not good.

Tessa knocks on my door and promptly falls on the bed in hysterical laughter as she listens to my tongue tied ramblings

Oh this is going soooo well.....

I try to be serious and start again

'Isn't it Libby Perves?'

'Is it???'

'Well it might be'

'Well, that's now in my head!'

'Come on we don't want to be late.'

We rush down the hill, in the rain and drizzle, and I worry about my new suede Stuart Weitzman shoes.....

After trying to make sure I get round all the people attending our Sponsors reception....and trying hard to smile as a very large and very loud local something or another crams canape after canape into his expanding mouth, I meekly follow a young assistant to 'stage left' and wait til I'm given the signal to walk on stage to announce Libby Whatsit and Sir Robin Whoever.

The assistant no 2 on stage right is making strange hand gestures. I wonder if any of them are the signal that means I am to walk on stage. I now feel mildly irritated and decide to walk out and face the crowds, they're professionals so I decide they can cope.

I concentrate on the cables that are lying across stage left, I can't face tumbling over and exposing all my inadequacies in front of 500 people. I get over the cables and grip the sides of the lecturn.

I look up.

Oooo boy, at least 4000 eyes stare back.

I look down at the lecturn and inhale

Not a script in sight

Oh goody....

I loosen my grip, just slightly, on the lecturn.

Heeeellllllp

'Good evening ladies and genteleman, on behalf of RAC we are delighted to be sponsoring a number of events at this years Furniture Festival..................'

A pebble in the ocean

Blimey talk about small fry - how awful that I have only visited so few countries. Next week away will have to be somewhere fabulous......

It has made me want to pack my Merrils and get on a plane once again. So many countries.....so little money......