perfectmatch.com

I know it's been a while.....

Been working

Up in Yorkshire. Ilkley to be exact. Beautiful place, really scenic. Makes me miss Wales.....

Usual thing though, work in one indoor place all day, drive to hotel, eat, go to bed, get up and start all over again. This is the 8th night and I'm soooo ready to go home to my bed.

All my work colleagues (and work bitches) have gone home and tonight I relished a night on my own. I decided to eat in the hotel restaurant.

Oh was that a bad idea.....

Only 2 tables. Me and a table of 4. A man, woman and 2 teenage girls.

The 2 young gawky barmen doubling up as waiters put our tables next to each other. Clearly thinking less hassle for clearing up. I wasn't too bothered as i'd already determined that I would scoff my food and go up to my room, catch a bit of television and relish a long soak in the chipped avocado green bath.....

I ate and finished my spicy melon balls with lone fanned strawberry as they were seated. They were brought their starters.

I looked around in a panic.

What on earth was that noise?

The kitchen was the other end of the room

Weird

I glanced around me as I sipped my Campari and long life orange....

OMIGOD

NO

PLEEEEASE NOOOOOO

Close your bloody mouths, the food will fall out

The party of 4 scoffed, slurped, squelched, chomped and talked quietly. All with open mouths.

I can take many things.

Just ask my violent ex druggie and alcoholic boyfriend Martin L. Ah yes. No. He's dead.
Could ask my violent, epileptic, anti social, gay ex husband. Mmmm, probably won't open the door to answer questions.
Guess you could try my ex partner, the one who ran off with another woman and took all the money, houses and cars leaving me homeless, penniless and not even a bicycle. Oh no, he never left a forwarding address.....

So how come this group, on their best behaviour as Mum was bringing daughters on first holiday with new boyfriend, thought eating like that was okay??

Or am I going mad??

Seriously

Where did she find a slurping noisy squelching eating boyfriend that fitted in so well with her and her girls?? This is most definitely a case of 'similar interests' on the dating web site questionnaire.....

Where is that web site??

I want one!

I want a boyfriend that matches me so well

Just where does one start??????