Little mouse with clogs on....

Oh boy am I a first class nincompoop......

A few nights ago I was sitting on my sofa, you know the kind of thing. When you've had a long, hard, busy day and all you want, and in fact all you CAN do, is sit spaced out on your sofa, half watching tv and half watching your lap to. No? Yeah?? Well you get the picture.

I was bushed and checking my emails when suddenly......

'A mouse'

oooh Andrea is coming up from Cardiff

'Uh huh, a mouse'

Blast why hasn't HE emailed

SHIIIIIT.......A MOUSE.........

In my head I am screaming

Outside I am frozen.......frozen with disbelief and fear

The mouse is frozen.....caught out.........not sure which why to go.....have I seen him......

He scarpers....

...straight under the sofa...

I leap up and rush to find my Merrills

Well there is no way I am gonna try and find this Mouse in the House with just sandals on. The horror of it! What if he ran over my feet?! Oh my good gracious. And what if he ran up my leg? What if he crawled up my back to my neck? Eiow, what if he ran into my ear? Or up my nose?

I am sweating .......... and I would probably get crap odds that I was having palpitations....

I grab my track suit bottoms next to me. This is not a situation for a dress and sandals

I have no idea which way to turn.

I shut the patio door

Is that a good idea???

Will he be able to get out now?

The place is such a mess as I had been emptying boxes I had stored in Karen H's loft and thought it best to finally address the last of my storage boxes.

The Mouse in the House (MitH) decides that he will not respond to my request to come out. I plead with MitH.

It doesn't work.

I begin to hysterically beg MitH.........

I send a text to CJ

I call The Woodlands Park Hotel. They don't have a vacancy

CJ responds

I call The Grange. They don't put me on hold as they discuss if there is a vacancy and what they should charge. Someone asks if it is a prostitute on the line!

What in Surrey? This may have been the hotel that Christine Keeler (or was it the other one) hid out in when the Profumo scandal broke but really.....this IS Surrey.

I call CJ.

I can hear my voice panicking but it doesn't seem mine. Why am I such a wuss? I command meetings, multi million pound budgets, men........ children..... but not, evidently, mice!

I confess to CJ that I can't stay in the house as I am flapping around throwing things in my overnight bag. CJ says to stay with them. I hesitate. No I can manage this. I am a grown up after all.

I put the phone down.

I pick up my suitcase and run out of the door, jump into my car and fall into Karen H's front door, hyperventilating.......

After a broken night dreaming of millions of mice breeding in my flat, I go to work confessing my inadequacies. Probably not the best of decisons but hey, I've passed my probation period so that must help!! I return to the flat with Father of The Boy (son in law) who strategically places a couple of traps and we then return to Darling Daughter and The Boy. At 10.30pm I jump up in panic deciding that I won't be able to have yet another bad night's sleep fretting about MitH and the ghastly possibilities so I make a hasty call and book myself into the Burford Bridge Hotel.

I enjoy a blissful night, especially as I am working from home in the morning.

I have a late breakfast in the restaurant. Heaven! I chat to a lady from Huston, Texas who has the most unbelievably well behaved 3 young children. We are then joined by an English lady who appears to be a tad eccentric. I decide, having spent some time talking to her, her eccentricism (is that even a word??) has been developed for the American market, where she has lived for the last 15 years in LA. She is a performer. Aren't they all and is doing a tour in the UK. SHe had undertaken an impromtu 4 hour piano rendition last night in the hotel.

American Lady says she didn't hear it.

I realise that I wouldn't have heard it in my state of idiocy...........

I return to the flat hoping that MitH is captured in one of the humane traps

He is not

I spend all of today armoured up, searching for MitH. I don't find him and this post finds me gearing up to change into my pj's to slip into my bed. To reclaim my bed and flat.

MitH may be titchy but he's not in charge anymore................

Oh God pleeeease don't let him squiddle his way in and across my bed........