A life of domestic bliss

Rushing into the lift (elevator) in Sainsbury's (supermarket) tonight I began the wonderful drifty feeling I get early in on a Friday night knowing that, even though I would wake at 6am the next day, I could roll over and snuggle up for however long I wanted. (Usually manage 1.5hrs!) This gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that I stretch out for as long as I can.

Reaching over and pressing button '1' to the car park, I knew I was smiling. Big wide smiling. My week had been very up and down and tonight was all mine, just mine. Mine.

Drat

Ouch

A trolley jabbed its way into the lift with a jabbery chattery woman attached

Big drat

My poor legs felt the tip of the jabby trolley

Big ouch.....

Nothing must spoil tonight. I decide to be helpful:

'What floor would you like?'

'Well what floor are you going to?'

What the hell does it matter and why should I tell you???

'One'

Oh I really am British aren't I???

'Yes that's right'

Uh??!!

'I beg your pardon?'

'I'M going to the first floor'

'Oh I see'

Well no I don't really

'Thought the lift might be closed '

riiiight

'Oh I guess they have to to stop the kids playing in the car park and lift during the night when the shops are closed'

'Of course, are you stupid?!'

I'm standing there as if someone has slapped me round the face 6 times with a big fat flat fish as the lift (elevator) doors open and Brusque Tall and Manly Woman (BTaMW) hangs onto her desperate trolley as it crashes out of the door into the car park .......and over my toes.

Humungus 'ouch'..........

'Excuse me?'

clankle clankle

'I beg your pardon madam'

BTaMW has stopped by her car and is opening the boot (trunk)

'I'm sorry, excuse me'

BTaMW continues to hurl her minimally packed shopping bags out of the clanky jabby trolley into the boot (trunk) as she utters:

'Get away from me'

'Erm, no, sorry, I need, no I must, tell you that you jabbed your trolley at me twice and ran over my feet with it'

'And your point is?'

And, well, what is my point

'Well, erm, I....'

'AND!'

'Well 'and' it hurt'

Clank the boot shuts.

'Your point is'

BTaMW pushes her clanky now cranky trolley away from her and her oversized BMW car

'Well, it hurt'

Crash....!

'Yes you said'

I turn and see the cranky trolley has crashed and burned into a very shiny silver VW Golf. A very new VW Golf

BTaMW is getting into her car as I turn to the VW Golf. It looks so like the lovely one I gave up to ride America.......

A man comes out of the lift and towards the VW Golf. He sees the trolley embedded in one of the doors. VW Golf Man (VWGM) looks at me.

I sigh back at him

BTaMW lowers her window and shouts:

'I saw her shove her trolley into your car, the f*^#ing b#*^h'

BTaMW's car squeals out of the car park.........

I stand open mouthed with my 2 bags of shopping

VWGM strides over to me. His face looks contorted

'Ah, now look, this isn't quite what you think.....'

Shit

I click my heels three times and repeat "I want to be in Kansas"

Uh oh. That didn't work

I look down. I have my Merrills on. That'll be it then, not wearing my red shoes.

In a flash I realise that they could work just as good and I sprint to the car, get in, lock it and squeal out of the car park.....

So I'm sitting here at home with no drifty feeling, praps a big glass of wine will help.........hic