Beauty and the Beast

so there I was, sitting on the doorstep to my Garden of Eden with a glass of bubbly in my hand chattering away on my mobile (cell) phone as the rain gushed from the Heavens.

'You want me to do what?'

'But it won't be for long, and you're sooooo good at it'

My feet are getting wet

'But how long will I be doing it?'

now my feet are getting decidedly soggy....

'Aw don't worry about that for now.....'

but I do and I worry whether skin really is waterproof.......

'you'll enjoy it so much you won't worry about time'

but skin is porous.......

'Look am I going to get paid for all this?'

'Of course, well unless you'll do it as a labour of, erm, love'

can you drown externally? What if you sat in a bath of water for days, would your skin let in water then??

'erm, no. See you all Saturday then.'

I put the phone down and worry that the glass of bubbly has gone to my head. Is it normal to worry that ones skin is waterproof?? Am I normal??? Do I care? Nah not really. It's actually warm even though it's wet, sort of tropical maybe, and I feel like I am back in New Orleans and Lafayette. Or maybe I'm Blanche in that Marlon Brando film. You know the one? What's the name? Oh drat I can't remember. Is that me or the alcohol? Maybe it's both.....................

'You're very entertaining'

Bloody hell, you're very handsome.....

'Sorry?'

'Do you always talk to yourself that way. Out loud?'

Very handsome......

'Erm....well...yes...I mean no....well yes....'

Get a grip girl, he's only human and you sound like a gibbering monkey....

'I didn't realise I was saying it out loud, I thought it was only in my head...you know...just me thinking it and well.......I did that once before that I remember, in a supermarket and the boy's Mum was furious and '

yep there you go again....SHUT UP ALREADY

'You are funny'

Oh rats..... I want to be sexy

'I didn't mean to be....'

'It's okay, funny is good'

Yeah I know but not sexy......

'I was hoping to see Calvin on top of you'

oh my God he's really sexy......

'Huh?'

'Your neighbour? ...... Calvin?....... He lives upstairs?..... But he's out'

I pinch myelf to make sure this isn't a dream. One that has a handsome sexy bloke stand in front of my gate making chit chat.

'I saw him leave about half an hour ago......... but you are welcome to enjoy the rest of this bottle of bubbly with me until he comes back'

I can hardly believe my brazenous invitation

In my dream he takes his shirt off and ........

'okay'

'oh look 2 Magpies!'

Yee ha that MUST mean my dream comes true......

'Do you know why they say seeing 2 Magpies is lucky?

I continue without waiting for his answer in the hope he doesn't know and then I might look clever if not sexy....

'It's 'cos Magpies mate for life and if one poor Magpie is on his own it means that his mate has died and he will be grief stricken'

I look at him triumphantly.

'You crack me up, are you like this normally'

I pour him a glass of bubbly

I am clearly not clever or sexy and decide to give up and just drink and enjoy the view in my Garden of Eden

'Dunno, I really don't'

Eeek, I actually don't...............

One Magpie sits on the wall

'Ah that sounds like Calvin's car'

aaah yessss, it would be wouldn't it...

'thanks for the drink'

he gulps his drink and hands me his empty glass

I sigh......... inside

'aaaah yes..... here's Calvin......

Hoobloodyray

Roll on Saturday and the nameless labour of love.........