If yer happy and you know it.....

Dear UK

hic....I'm squiffy....hic

I'm staying in a room that has one of those keys to the top floor with complimentary breakfasts and evening drinks and canapes. Well forget canapes, I have stuffed my face and feel I've eaten a meal, you know the Americans and their portions (oops sorry, going a bit ooo err Matron then thinking about the Airforce...). Now what was I saying, oh yes portions. Oops sorry went off again....

Anyway the food they had described as canapes was anything but. It was a feast of a buffet. I'm completely full and will not need an evening meal. Oh and mor to the point I'd better go and lie down cos the free drinks are a killer as well. I had a beer last night and the lovely lady mixed me a Margharita this evening. Oh boy, the words are appearing blurred even with my glasses on. Bloody hell, I did only have one and didn't finish it all either. Phew.....

Today I climbed a mountain.

No seriously, I did.

I want to let Karen L know that the small rucksack that she dislikes came in very very handy. No doubt what it was really meant for eh??! Thank you Bianca, in fact I do believe that's why you bought it for me.

Anyway move on move on. God I'm drunk. Can't see the keyboard now. Oh no that's because I haven't got my glasses on.

Okay, back to the mountain.

It was huge. It was the same mountain I had my epihany, no hang on, my ephany, blast, ephiphany, oh bugger. Epifany. Oh sod it you know what I mean, one of those life shattering moments of clarity when everything falls into place and you know your purpose. That sort of moment.

Anyway back to the mountain....

It was 80degrees in Tucson today and I think you'll find it was a whole lot hotter up there amongst the cactus and clouds. Hang on, isn't more than one cactus a cacti? Is a group of cactus, cacti? Can I call several cactus a group? Oh bother and darnation, i don't know.

So, back on the mountain....

It was hot, very hot. But I took 2 bottles of water, a banana and an opened bag of crisps from yesterday's lunch at Beyond Bread. OH it was just yummy, just as good as I had remembered. Beyond Bread, not the opened bag of crisps.

So I took a steep climb, in my shorts, sunglasses so no one would recognise me, and my rucksack. My suitable footwear was a pair of Merrells that i had bought in Tucson on my last visit with Travelling Companion. The visit that I really wasn't prepared for and had to clomp about the Grand Canyon in high heeled boots...... Actually at least I looked fabulous!

The mountain already.

It was hot and I was prepared. i climbed slowly and sat atop feeling truly fantastic and free. The landscape is just so so beautiful. Again, like Wales but arid and lots of dusty desrt plains.

I didn't have another one of those ep, those hit you on the head moments. Cept if you don't count the one when I just had to pee.

Wasn't sure about peeing on what is really hallowed ground. I mean would the smell linger? Would I be arrested? Is my DNA traceable in dried urine?

Well thing is when you gotta go you just gotta go. So, being mindful of snakes and other critters I slipped behind a few boulders and peed. Well animals do. And I should imagine, the Indians did. Now I know i'm supposed to say Native Americans but it just sounds so prissy and up yer bum. This right on politic stuff is going too far. I was there burning my bra for the emancipation for all. but I feel saying Indian isn't disrespectful. They call their annual general meetings the Indian Tribe Nations, or something like that.

Oh dear pissed and not really being able to say what I mean.

At least I have a valid excuse Rosie O'Donnell. Just get over yourself. Either you're a very bitter woman or you just want ratings. If it's all about ratings then do try and find something original my dear. The GAY card is so last decade.........

Right off to find the Airforce men......

If you're my Daddy reading this I'm off to bed to watch TV all on my own!!