The Scrabble Principle

So there I was, lusting after the Luxury Scrabble Board. What's a Luxury Scrabble Board? Well for a start the letter tiles are gold. Plated gold or solid, I just knew that they would feel cool, solid and smooth and my game would naturally benefit from such a feeling of calm, senuous satisfaction.

Mind you I haven't played Scrabble for ages. My Scrabble partner, Ali, keeps moving around the UK and is currently residing in Morecombe.

Years ago when Ali and I were young Mums we spent many an afternoon or evening with a Scrabble board, nibbles and tea. Well, okay, mostly wine but it doesn't sound very responsible does it???

Our game surpassed 3 & 5 letter words, playing at Championship level very quickly. If we didn't have at least two 7 letter words each on every game we felt crazed! Suddenly the Game took over our lives and we had to have our 'fix' almost daily. Ooooh yes, we devoured our Bible, the OSW (Official Scrabble Words) and knew all the little 2 & 3 words that could aid a massive score. AI, EE, QI, QAT, JO, XI, ZO, yes we love 'em all...........

I miss playing Scrabble now and am somewhat out of practice. I was thinking of popping along to a local Club.......then I remembered the last time............

Heavily pregnant with 2nd child, Ali and I needed more to feed the voracious appetite we had developed for Scrabble. One of my customers had told me of a thriving Scrabble Club in the Church Halls in Dorking (Surrey, UK) on a Wednesday evening. Fabulous, wonderful!!! Loads of like minded people, divine.

Off we trundled, parked the car and set out some rules of our own. Well one rule actually. If we scratched our left shoulder it meant 'get us out of there immediately'. Simple! Armed with our OSW's we strode down a miriad of narrow, dark corridors til we reached a closed door at the end of the building. The anticipation was at a peak. I turned to Al behind me, grinned and took her hand as I eeked open the door and took a step down into the room.

Oh my God...!!!!! There couldn't have been a person less than 70 in the crowded room. We instantly froze as they all looked up, many started to get up. No please no! I began to back out, trying to push the large 8mth pregnant Al back with my elbows and bum as well as I mumbled, ' think we've got the wrong place'. A frail looking lady with beady eyes spotted the OSW. Shit! 'No no, you ARE in the right place'. Still trying to shift Al backwards and mumbling incoherently, I realised that I was being pushed with greater force back into the room. Was Al insane?! Then I realised that 2 old gents were pushing us into the room saying 'come along now, come along, we're all friends here'

We appeared unceremoniously into the room, standing there like baby rabbits cornered by a pack of snarling, hungry wolves.

Before we could gather ourselves together we were split up and proffered to their best players for assesment. Small tables and chairs ran along the four walls and, resigned to our situation, Ali and I began our first game. Remember, it was okay, cos we had our emergency get out plan. I was partnered with an elderly gent who told me that he played Championship Scrabble. Hooray, this was what I had come here for. Who cared whether he was 83. I smiled at him and looked around, thinking that this room must be used for Sunday school with all the tiny weeny chairs. That or I just had a big bum.....

Yes well, it soon became clear that Mr Champion Scrabbler was in fact Mr Cheat Scrabbler. His rules were not quite familiar from the official rule book but hey, I could work with that. By the time I put down 3 words, Mr Cheat Scrabbler had become very agitated and said I wasn't playing right, how could he put his words out if I blocked him. This happened for the next 3 goes. Hmmmm. Okay. I went a little easier on him and put a simple word down that opened up the board. I really wasn't enjoying this and looked for Ali. She had been seated directly behind me, back to back. I started to scratch my left shoulder...... Mr Cheat Scrabbler grinned smugly and put down a 7 letter word. Drat! Ah well at least it meant I could now get back to playing as I should do. Hang on a minute. What the Hell was that word? It wasn't a word! I looked him straight in the eye and opened my mouth. I closed it quickly and started to frantically scratch my left shoulder glancing over at Al, willing her to turn round. I let it pass. This was no good, his next word wasn't a real word either. By now 2 of the ladies were standing by him telling me how wonderfully clever he was and how lucky I was to be playing with him.

I wanted to tip the board up and scream 'cheat, you're a no good cheat'.

Instead I decided to let him continue in the hope that the game would be over really quickly and then I could get up and go.

Ah ha, best laid plans and all that. As soon as I'd finished and as Mr Cheat Scrabbler was taking his bows and adulation, I was intervened making my bid for freedom. 'Tea or coffee my dear?' Ali was still playing her game and not catching my eye. Damn. 'Uum, tea please' I whispered. I watched this little old lady go round the room getting orders. Where was her notebook? How on earth would she remember all of it. 30 + teas and coffees, some white, some black, some no sugar, some 2 sugars, some weak, some strong. Every person asked for something different. Perhaps there is a point to old age Scrabble after all......

Worried that perhaps her memory might not be as good as it may appear, I offered my help. I struggled to remember the different variations and when we got to the kitchen I had to confess I couldn't remember it all. Was it 2 or 3 milky strong tea and 4 weak teas, and was it 6 or 7 strong coffee and 3 milky coffee or the other way around?? 'Oh don't you worry my dear, I remember it all', she smiled.

Blimey, yep, I was indeed impressed and as I stood waiting for the first tray of hot drinks, realised the importance of keeping ones mind active.

As I watched her making the drinks I almost gasped aloud. All the hot drinks were weak milky tea with 2 sugars...............

And you know what, not one single person complained as they drank their very, very weak milky tea........!!!!

After tea Ali and I played one more very quick game and left, with promises to return. Walking to the car we held a 'Post Mortem', we giggled, as only girls can, as we realised we had both been frantically scratching our left shoulders for much of the time but as they'd positioned us back to back we kept missing each others signals! Arlo was born not long after that, now that's another story..........

Now the Scrabble Club ............ on second thoughts, maybe I'll keep my Scrabble yearnings to myself...........