Uri Geller

Okay, so here's how it goes. Do not, ever ever, offer someone help if you do not mean it.


I have many talents but I am not a frigging mindreader. This trip and all it entails, has brought the best and the worst out in people; friends and complete strangers alike

I'm a simple soul, always have been and if someone says they like spinach why should I doubt them? If someone says they go to bed at midnight why should I doubt them? If someone says they love chicken, again, why should I doubt them?

So why, when someone says they will help me move they don't really mean it? And why when someone says 'stay with me' they don't really mean it. Amazingly when someone says 'store your stuff at my place', they don't mean that either. How the effing hell am I supposed to know what you really mean until it's too late? And why the barstewarding hell would someone take 2 cases of my expensive wines and then want me to 'settle up' for 3 nights is beyond me.

'Help yourself to the wine in the kitchen' is very clear to me, and to Miss X judging by her bright red face and awkwardness when questioned about its disappearance. That clearly doesn't mean the case of Margaux nailed closed in a wooden box or the Pouilly Fume secured in a box in the room where my stuff was stored. ('I took it to a party' and 'my Mother drinks white wine' could only be thrown at me to hurt, and why???? ) Or maybe it does to an alcoholic or indeed to a plain spiteful person. Yes I'm angry, that'll pass, but Miss X's behaviour is embedded within her for a long time to come.

Either way it's a friendship that's ended. Just hope the wine chokes you.............