Hells Kitchen

I went back to work today

I went back as a brave new woman........


I came home from work tired and hungry, rushing into the flat trying to work out what would be quicker to cook; lamp chump chops, chicken thighs or some sort of mince thing. Would I be able to wait at all or would I resort to a bowl of cereal and chocolate???

hmmmm, i had some coffee cake left over from the weekend....

Cramming a large slice of cake in my mouth as I peeled my potatoes, carrots, leeks and broccoli I decided griddled lamb was the answer to my tiredness. Popping on my pinny I set about my culinary masterclass with the confidence of Gordon Ramsey......

A lot of 'eff this' and 'eff that' as I dropped the lamb on the floor, rinsing under the tap (faucet) before throwing back on the griddle. Not to mention the very loud 'EFFING HELL' when I finally managed to open the mint sauce jar and spill all down the bottom of my pinny and both my legs.

Damn, the doorbell.....

I'm brought back to reality as I realise Gordon would have some sort of flunky to shout at to open the door.

I can only shout at myself

'FUCK IT!'

I stomp to the front door.

For those of you paying attention, I live in a ground floor apartment with a small garden, not to forget the Meathead and Young Blonde Air Hostess upstairs. Opposite me 2 youngish chaps rent the ground floor apartment and a chubby, jolly couple rent the top flat.

The communal door seems to have been bypassed and this someone rings my front door, again

I yank the door open

OMIGOD!

A youngish handsome man stands in front of me with his heavy winter coat held wide open by his pockets.

He is semi naked underneath.........

'What the effing hell is this about'

'Ermm'

Is it my birthday and I've forgotton......

YHM fiddles in his pockets

'I'm not sure what to say'

this is a very true statement......

'You're not Justin'

'No, I'm not....clearly'

'Where's Justin?'

'Please close your coat'

'Oh yeah sorry. Can't believe Sid gave me the wrong house. Are you alright?'

'Of course'

I may be old but I can still remember what a young stud looks like....

Justin and his flatmate open the door opposite

They stand agog

I know what they mean

'Are you sure everything's alright?'

'For fuck's sake I'm a big girl, I have seen a dick before'

'It's just that....'

'If you want any help let us know'

'Thanks chaps, I'd better get back to my sizzling chops.'

I look at the flatmates then nod at YHM

'Enjoy boys'

I shut the door grinning

I put my overdone chops on my plate with an abundance of vegetables and sit down at the kitchen table. I love my kitchen table. The chairs are expensive wicker and metal.

'FUCK IT!'

I leap up confused.

I put my hand on my bum and feel blood

I go to the bathroom and look on in horror at the sight of the blood trickling down

.......not to mention the green mint sauce all over my legs and the pinny covering my naked body...

In my tired state I had rushed in, undressed as usual but put on my pinny instead of my pj's.....

I don't know what hurts more, my bum or my pride!!