Tour of Duty

Hi yall

Today the sun is not shining in Surrey, England but I know it's as shiny as a button in Tucson...... Why do we have that saying? Are buttons always shiny? I don't really like shiny buttons actually, mostly they detract from the garment.....anyway....

Yesterday I pledged myself a mamouth task. A visit to not one, not two but three WI Country Craft Markets! One can only guess as the marvels to be had. I was truly giddy from the anticipation....

On Thursday I had lunch with Karen H; we ate homemade chicken and vegetable soup, bread and a banana on a tray on our laps as we watched Neighbours, an Australian soap, on the television. (Good God it's high time I was gainfully employed once again....) Karen H has these wonderful leather chairs that open and extend, providing much comfort to my expanding calfs (or should that be calves, or is that the baby cow??) from total lack of exercise. Lunch eaten we took out our knitting and settled into dull domesticity. I'm knitting squares, lots of them, with the intention of sewing them together to make a blanket. It was blowing a gale outside, raining and dark. Much better to be inside in the warm snuggled up on the large expanded chair with a blanket over my unused legs. We broke for a cuppa an hour or so later and I, craving a distraction, read the local paper.

Mmmm, local house prices continue to rise.
Hmm, another local yob has been in court for drunken assault.
Oh, the local butcher is retiring after 30 years
AH HA!
...there are more Country Craft Markets in the area........

Absurdly they are all on the same day. And, all in the morning. Being all within an 8 mile radius of each other wouldn't it be a better idea, certainly more commercial, to have them on a different day? Or even to stagger them throughout the day? Ah well what do I know.

I check the opening times

They ARE all staggered. Well sort of. Opening times have15 minutes between each one. Ah ha, suddenly I feel a plan outlining.

I throw off my throw, jumping up with such sudden force that Karen H stabs herself with a knitting needle and dropping stitches that have now been attributed to my flightiness. I realise that this plan can be achieved if we stick to it with military precision. Karen H cautiously agrees as she mops up a small flow of blood from a yet to be discovered portal.

I have renewed vigour, assuring her of its success as I pick up a tissue and plug it into a small hole on her forearm.

Karen H yelps, mustering a 'well, let's see how we feel in the morning'

Underterred I look at her paling face and decide I will not take no as an answer as I drag her into the kitchen to run her arm under a tap of cold running water. Karen H winces and agrees as she pulls her arm away from me then clambers on a kitchen stool getting out her first aid kit from the back of a cupboard. I take the box from her and hold her elbow as she gets down, managing to grab her bleeding forearm with my other arm, mistakenly of course. Karen H positively grimaces. I ferret through the first aid box looking for something, not entirely sure what something but know it will be obvious when I see it.

I offer to apply something.

'Here look this is a tube of cream, will that do?'

'No'

'Okay how about this bandage?

I drop it on the floor

'Ooops'

Karen H takes the box from me

'No'

'It'll be fine, it's only the outside that will be dirty.'

'Dirty?!'

'Uhhm, what about those little plaster things? You know the strippy things that you put on. You know when you should have stitches. What are they called? Do you have those? They're really good'

Karen H slumps on a kitchen stool

'You look very pale'

'Steristrips'

'Eh?'

'They are called Steristrips, the little strippy plaster things, and yes I have them and no I don't want them'

I think that Karen H's teeth are just slightly gritted as she fiddles with the first aid kit.....

Karen H used to be a nurse and I marvel at her capabilities with a bandage, cotton wool and a pot of sterile water.

'Would you like me to call an ambulance, or take you to hospital maybe?'

'No... thank you, I'll be fine........ you just go back to your knitting..........'


I did and alls well that ends well, our Military Tour will be reported on next time......