Pink Icing

Living for today

2011-09-18T20:40:00.004+01:00

Goodness, seems far too long since I was here, and I guess it is! As with everyone, lots of things have happened in the time since I last posted.

I tried Twitter - got very bored very quickly

I tried Facebook - I'm still trying it....

Just to catch up, my beloved Daddy died of a rare stomach cancer on March 26 2010, Mother ended up in hospital which took up most of that summer. I returned to work in the October and went down with swine flu in December, as did Darling Daughter and The Boy.

The worst was yet to come.....

After a major fit in the street when walking The Boy to school, Darling Daughter was eventually diagnosed with a rare primary brain tumour in February this year.

I can't even remember the date. That was the day our lives changed forever

It has been a whirlwind and huge roller coaster that none of us have been in control of. I shall write a detailed account of all of this. But not tonight.... And if only as a place for me to dump all the crap....

After the initial diagnosis Darling Daughter was taken into surgery for a craniotomy to take out as much of the grade 3 tumour as possible. Radical radiation therapy followed; 5 days a week for 6.5 weeks. It was intensive and the last 3 treatments left her somewhat fried and I feared what was left of her brain would be mangled. She had numerous mri scans to map the journey and activity of the vile invasion. Then the last mri and the agonising wait to hear the outcome. Had any of the treatments worked?

Last Thursday we were told that she is cancer free and they don't want to see her until 6 months time!

This is the best ever news. It's like winning every lottery, all birthday's and Christmas' rolled into one moment of pure emotion of joy.

Sadly this is a recurring tumour, it will come back. But it could be years not months and that's what we are fighting for. Right now not every moment of every day has to be about the brain tumour. We can do normal things again and have hope. Something we haven't had since February.

It's taken its toll on our little family unit. There's a lot to do and we will never be the same but we all have hope of a future for now.

My brave and beautiful daughter is incredibly brave and owns an inner strength that she still doesn't recognise.

My Father said to me close to the end of his life that I mustn't be too sad, it was the natural order of things. And he was right. What isn't right is one's children passing away before the parent. The pain of watching my adult child suffer unimaginagble pain and suffering is more than I can often bear.

That said there will be some good times ahead as we settle into the wonderful news of life regiven.

please drop by again soon....xx

loving moving

2010-08-02T18:45:00.003+01:00

yea.....I'm on the move....again!!

I am officially classed as undesirable by local councils etc as I have had 'numerous' addresses in the last 10 years.

And??!!

What business is it of theirs as long as I pay my dues. And I do. All the time. My lifestyle may not be everyone's cup of tea but I like it! I'm not living on the streets, begging at your doors. I just happen to find I want to move on. Often, I guess!

I have never fitted easily into a ready packaged lifestyle. I tried it once. Gawd, it nearly killed me. Simply didn't suit me.

So, moving again and looking forward to it.

update 545!

2010-07-11T10:44:00.004+01:00

Having an undecided morning I have trawled through Blogland. I do love the immersion into somewhere else....
What I did realise is that this Blog is way, way overdue for an overhaul. Visually speaking I mean. Groan. One more task....

I thought things would improve somewhat after Dad passed away. In that I would pick up my life again and surge forward with something or another.

Sadly Mum is now in the hospital and will be there for a bit longer and my sister and I have had a few big shouting telephone call bust ups. That may not be an issue for many of you but my sister and I sort of dance around each other, have done for several years to keep the family peace, and I no longer care what I say..... Anyway, it's all still exhausting and no end in sight.

That's just to let you know where I am in terms of me!

I went up to the storage facility in the week to open my 'cupboard'. Oooooh, it was like Christmas! I hadn't been there since I shut it up 20 months ago. Everything was all ship shape and Bristol fashion, thankfully. I dragged out several boxes of clothes....what WAS I thinking buying so many bloody things!! Ebay next stop.....

The view from my writing desk is lovely at this time of year and I will try a 'catch -up -Monday', see you laters alligators....

Mr Wolf

2010-06-04T11:57:00.004+01:00

I caught up on some richly deserved sleep, in the night time heat of my bedroom. Not hot through wild abandoned passion you understand, just still hot muggy air. The window is very large and attracts the daytime sun like a greenhouse.

Nevertheless I was snoring through the heat and awoke to a vague thrashing and turning. So used to my snoring being the answer to all my disturbed sleep, as Darling Daughter will verify and tell you she never ever intends to sleep anywhere near me again, I nearly ignored the incident and return to slumber. Alas I could feel a scritchy something on my neck and brushed my half asleep hand across my neck.

Suddenly I jumped up in sheer terror and screamed.

I screamed very loudly.

A big black Wolf spider had been walking over my neck!!!!!!

He whooshed through the air and landed on a chair then....well I had no idea where I brushed him to and was convinced as I stood up on my sofa trying to locate my sandals that he had fallen onto the blanket resting on a pile of newly washed and ironed clothes on the chair next to my bed......

(oh why aren't I a perfect homemaker?? All those clothes would have been put away before bedtime...)

I stood, barefoot, on the sofa, clutching at my flimsy nightdress hem. Why, I have no idea.

With my heart pushing its way out of my chest I was trying to think if it had been a dream. My eyes , my neck and the possible heart attack told me otherwise

Armed with rubber gloves and a long stick (what on earth I thought that would do I have no idea) I pushed all the sheets, duvet and decorative pillows and blankets off the bed onto the floor in a huge mountain. It did occur to me briefly that it looked like a creation more suitable in the Tate gallery than my bedroom. Where is my blinking camera when I need it. Oh yes I remember.

I forage in the cupboard in the hall and search for my beautiful brown suede handbag I bought in Venice, Italy several years back. A Bruno Magli, simply fabulous. I stroke it and relive the memories then remember I am searching for my camera.

Ah ha!!

Got it. I take it out and jump back up onto the sofa to get what I feel is the best angle of my Tracy Emin creation and 'click'. Drat. 'Click' again

Oh fudgicles. The battery is dead..... Ah I remember now, that's why it was in my bag so I would remember to plug the battery on recharge....

I get down from the sofa and try to remember why I was doing all this....

I get back up on the sofa......

Mr Wolf is nowhere to be seen. Unsure of the point of it I poke the very long stick in and at random places. It seems to yield no reward.

I pick up the sofa cushions and bash them. They are zipped tight and Mr Wolf does not drop out. I pick up a clean sheet from the airing cupboard and shake it as though it was in an earthquake. I clamber onto the sofa once more and cover myself in the sheet.

I want to leave the place and stay in a hotel. I manage to tell myself that is totally unreasonable and unrealistic. I listen to myself and stay put.

Dawn arrives and I am still upright on the sofa, awake. I make my way to the bathroom.

I look like a Devil possessed serial killer.......

I have no choice but to clear up and make the bed and surrounding areas. By midday all cupboards are emptied, and 'strategically' placed all over the room. Mr Wolf is nowhere to be found. Typical. How fickle! If he wanted to protest about my snoring he should face me now!!

I find I can not move or face anymore of this and leave. Leave the house and go out.

I know I will have to return. Maybe.... Possibly......

kisses for you

2010-06-01T19:52:00.002+01:00

well guys, i'm still here........
after some persuasion from CJ i am coming back for a while....yea!!!

things have been difficult, my dear father sadly passed away after a mamouth fight against a rare stomach cancer, Linitis Plastica, and it took all my strength both mental and physical to deal with that and my weird and wonderful family.

Darling Daughter and The Boy are still the apples of my eye and I'm still trying to feel a grown up and let life happen. Ha!

So tomorrow I shall return and tell you a few things that have been happening recently. The rest of 2010 WILL be good...:)

love ya'll

la la la la la

2009-12-30T23:57:00.002Z

good grief, I'd almost forgotten how to navigate back here!

trust your Christmas went well

here's to 2010

seems many years since I started this Blog

here we are

2009-11-25T15:34:00.001Z

still not working
Dad still with us
finances really really dire

creative brain can't function under such stress....

space between my ears

2009-09-29T10:25:00.003+01:00

tail end of cold, you know, the phelgm thing in the morning... Yep I know, disgusting

Keeping myself busy, but not quite yet productive. Making preparations for Christmas. Starting on chutneys this week. The pineapple chutney doesn't exactly look pretty, it better taste ok..... Christmas cakes next. And knitting and sewing inbetween time

Even I want to return to work now.....

I'm at home this week to make sure my germs are completely gone, then back down to the parentals.

yukky is what yukky does

2009-09-21T19:41:00.002+01:00

oh dear dear dear. I have a cold and I am far away from home....

My mummy can't even look after me as I have dispatched myself away from dad so he hopefully won't have to deal with fighting a cold as well as his Baddie Disease.

I feel yuk and will be expecting some payback for the Lemsips, Strepsils and lozenges....

Speak soon - I promise

blue blue

2009-09-11T14:06:00.003+01:00

Dad is still with us. Not able to eat very much so I guess his decline will also be a result of losing all the energy, vitamins, bulk etc from the food.

On a brighter note, I am busying myself with home baking & home crafting. Praps i'll post some pics..!

The Boy starts new pre school on Monday. It seems only yesterday he was a helpless little baby now he's an independant young boy who refuses his Mom's assistance on many things, knows his own mind, has favourite foods and loves to be active. He does however still want his Mom to snuggle him down to bed with a cuddle and 3 stories..... Darling Daughter is a great Mom

I also now have a shiny new bike. A very blue one! More gears than I have the faintest comprehension of their use. My bottom causes an eclipse to all those who follow....Oh yeah, it's a bicycle.......

later...xx

A breakfast of misunderstanding

2009-08-08T11:00:00.006+01:00

I'm a tad under the weather these days. Not really looking after myself and all that. So Karen H made me take some Berocca. Full of vitamins and minerals apparently. I wouldn't know as my eyes can't read such absurdly small print on the tube.

I decide to trust Karen H as she was in fact a nurse. In the days when nurses nursed patients and didn't just hover around their nurses stations with paperwork and computers....

I decide I WILL take the entire tube as I could do with a little perking up. Now don't worry CJ, I shall be taking one a day, not the entire tube in one day..... Even with my ageing eyes and limited common sense I feel one a day is probable as an entire tube of slightly fizzing tablets would not be an altogether good thing for my internal system.

So I manage a tablet every morning and things are progressing. I think I have a little more pep. Difficult to tell really.... I do know however that all tablets, whatever they are, have side effects. These are no different. I discover that my wee becomes radioactive. Well, in colour only. At least I hope so!

Why don't the manufacturers tell us that?? Ah, I guess they may do but I can't read the flipping small print...

3 tablets into the course its time to journey to my parents, some distance away. Hooray, I remember the Berocca!

As a dutiful daughter I eat breakfast and take my tablet. The first wee of the day is strongly coloured and has a luminous radioactive hue. My Mother has a showhouse type of house; everything designery and perfectly placed. In her downstairs cloakroom she has beautiful white deep fluffy mats. I'm not a man but I still dread a drop of radioactive dribble and consider taking a walk into the nearby woods to wee.

I mention the condition of said urine to Mother, who it must be noted is naturally somewhat distracted due to caring for my cancer stricken Father.

For 4 days Mother questions my need for Berocca. 'What country is it made in?', 'How do you know it's good for you?', 'I don't think you should take it?', 'Isn't it, well, dangerous?', 'Madonna follows fads darling', 'Really I don't think you should take it'.

I ignore these and other pleas and continue to take the tablets and continue to wee radioactive looking urine.

Breakfast on the 6th day Mother brings me a cut crystal glass of tap water, a silver teaspoon and the tube of Berocca. I am taken aback at her willingness.

'I sat up last night, after you'd gone to bed, and read the information on your Berocca tube'

How can she read it, her eyes are worse than mine??

I open the tube

'You're not taking radiation pills after all.......'

I look at Mother, then at the tablet in my hand, then back to Mother

I giggle hysterically, desperately trying to surpress it and begin to choke as the internal battle wages.

'Well as I said, I realise you're not on some sort of radiation fad like the idiot celebrities might'

I finally win the battle and manage to calm myself

'Radiation??'

I torn between momentary incredulity and anger that Mother would think I would do something as absurd and dangerous as willingly ingest radiation

'Of course it isn't, it's all legal and made by Bayer. They are a large global pharmaceutical company.'

'Well when you said Madonna takes it I assumed you were following her lead. Those celebrities would do anything if they thought it would make them look younger'

I have to agree, but, radiation???

'I said it's all normal vitamins and minerals, and even Madonna and the like might take it 'cos you seemed to be worrying'

'Why would you think I would actually take radiation for Gods sake??'

I look up pleadingly at Mother for some sort of assurance

'Well you've always been weird and mad'

I look up to heaven and despair that my wild teenage years and carefree 20's have completely overshadowed the last 10 years of sensible Corporates and Directorships....

'No. I only meant that my wee looked like radioactive waste when I'm taking the Berocca'

Father comes into the kitchen from resting in the garden

'Radiation? What the bloody hell are you taking that for??'

to whom it may concern

2009-07-11T12:20:00.003+01:00

I have acquired a cyberstalker!

I know you won't be coming after me anytime soon 'cos you are mentally locked in your room, afraid of the outside world and don't have money of your own. Stupid twat. Give it up.

snapshot

2009-06-28T08:27:00.003+01:00

what with all this Facebook and Twitter I hardly find time to Blog
I have become acustomed to simply writing one liners. It's become the way of the world. Children's school essays will no doubt consist of 3 sentences shortly......

and that's mine for now....

Is this it?

2009-06-24T13:34:00.003+01:00

It has indeed been some time since I last posted so I'd better get you all up to date.

- Job went some time ago. Have never felt better since ridding myself of bitchy one dimensional women and inept directors, (my observations lawyers).

- Finances are grim but I have faith

- Carol, sister of extended family passed away. Carol that suffered with PSP, a form of dementia. It was a blessing that her suffering finally ended

- Day before Carol's funeral we learnt my Father has terminal stomach cancer. Linitis Plastica to be exact. This is the rarest form of cancer worldwide. It is very aggressive. USA has a decline in stomach cancer however Japan has high counts. UK has a considerable amount as well. Stomach cancer is apparently difficult to diagnose. I would disagree with that regarding my Father. Some 2 years ago if his doctor had any kind of interest or ability he would have undertaken tests to check rather than give him antidepressant tablets as he wanted to sleep a lot. My Father displayed clear symptoms I believe. Excessive tiredness, distended stomach, some weight loss to start with. I believe that the doctor did not want to spend the money to investigate with a CT scan. As it is this late diagnosis means my Father can not have any surgery and any chemotherapy is simply palliative. He has declined chemo as he wants to be well as he can be for whatever time he has left. His prognosis is a couple of months, maybe more, they simply can not say. My faith is tested and I pray that he does not suffer, as he has on so many other levels already. My Father is and always has been a courageous man and his coping of this sudden news is inspiring.

I, on the other hand, am at war...........

IT for dummies

2009-04-29T11:28:00.001+01:00

now i'm not sure what's been happening but i haven't been able to get my posts to publish. It told me it had and then they disappeared....

I've gotta sneaky feeling it's 'user error' but i would never admit to that.......

see you soon xx

2009-04-06T23:56:00.000+01:00

yoo hoo

2009-03-04T20:21:00.002Z

Comfy shoe problem resolved - a pair of snuggly Ugg boots. Even at my age I don't like to follow the pack but I have to confess there ARE comfortable.......

Recap. Last summer I smashed up my thumb in a fall and had the benefit of private healthcare to put it all back together. Job went - so did private healthcare. But fear not fellow mortals, we have the National Health Service (NHS), the pride of Britain, a free medical service to all Brits, Europeans and illegal immigrants

Oh dearie dearie me. I am suffering a few setbacks and am at the total behest of .....of...eeeew....just can't find the right word. ANyway me and the NHS are trying to get along....

In fact since not working my body appears to have made the same decision. I am currently slave to an inner ear viral thing that makes me very unbalanced and nauseus and a complement of other minor ailments to boring to mention

oh and i have total writer block..........

staying alive

2009-02-17T21:30:00.002Z

i can see i have a lot to make up for

Visits have dramatically dropped off. Hey no surprise really as there's nothing to come back to!!

And there isn't today either...............sorry. Justchecking to see if i could remember how to login and, more importantly, if i could!

In the words of Arnie - 'I'll be back'................

an IISCA

2009-02-02T23:24:00.005Z

errrm, sorry. Big sorry in fact.

I am still alive. Snow bound but still alive. Snow was literally up to my knees this morning. Writing isn't going very well but on the plus side I have become an Infamous International Scrabble Champion Addict...

Do you think I can quote that as a profession.....????

leftovers

2009-01-18T21:37:00.003Z

I must apologise to the faithful few!

I have soooo much to write but i have used all my spare time playing Scrabble online via Facebook. And I should add, time I don't have!

I'm only here now cos the server is down for a few hours at Facebook......

My addiction was swift

Big sorry guys

This might be the cold turkey I need...........

oh and Coolio to win celebrity big bro

another quickie rant

2009-01-09T11:33:00.002Z

We have a new programme here in the UK. A drama. We're good at that.

WRONG!

It's called Demons

I was all excited cos I thought it might be the UK's answer to USA's Angel, which I have to say, I did enjoy. David Boreanez was good to look at, in a totally lascivious way. And it had comedy mixed with special effects

But. Oh dear oh dear. Demons doesn't have any of that.

Even worse is the scriptwriting is so very poor and predictable.

And the acting! Woe betide any of those actors for taking a salary and having an Equity card.

Philip Glenister's American accent is cringable. Is that his name?? He from Life on Mars fame. I thought the twist would be that he wasnt American..... Couldn't we find a real one? A real American??

Oooh and that McKenzie chap. The one from The Office. He simply can not act. Full stop.

So don't bother to watch it

now maybe I should be a scriptwriter.....or Director..........

correction

2009-01-06T13:48:00.001Z

okay, so I AM not always aware of minor celebs...

I do of course mean Dennis Rodman............

thank you Vanessa!!

our 2009

2009-01-03T11:48:00.002Z

It's another year and oh dear, another Celebrity Big Brother.

Gawd blimey where DO they manage to drag these people up from. Coolio? Didn't he or his agent watch Dennis Rodderick on the show?? Surely he doesn't need the money or that kind of exposure???

I was really really looking forward to watching television over the Christmas break and sadly I was left very disappointed. Come on TV companies. The premiered films had been seen by 98% of the population on satellite tv, dvd or downloaded (albeit illegally). So come on guys, how about a comedy. Can't be THAT much to make. I enjoyed watching the now ancient The Good Life episode........

Have a social and moral responsibility and end the reality shows.....pleeeeease

That aside I am looking forward to 2009, I know we have a global recession. Hey we brought it upon ourselves, instant gratification can only lead to disaster.......

2009 will provide opportunities for many of us to 'get real'. Don't miss it!

Nothing at all

2008-12-29T12:06:00.002Z

I have discovered that, whilst I confess to a large shoe collection that Imelda Marcos would approve of, I find myself lacking the 'right' shoes for right now.....

I have taken to requiring flattish comfortable shoes. Me. All nearly 5ft of me.

Since my operation on my thumb earlier this year I have felt unsteady on skyscrapingly high heeled shoes. And unfortunately since putting on weight many of my shoes and boots no longer fit or look right. I refuse to wear comfy Granny shoes but I am not far from waivering toward a pair of spring soled lace ups........

I have been wearing my Merrills with track suit bottoms for some time and now that the weather is cold and I have a yearning to wear a skirt again, Merrills simply aren't suitable.

So the burning question is can I actually find what I am looking for? Probably not and I will end up with a few pairs of 'almost there' shoe and boots.

Enjoy your day - I certainly will

The Inbetweeners

2008-12-27T14:03:00.002Z

Hope Christmas was fabulous for all

I'm now in that gap between Christmas and the New Year. It's kinda like limbo isn't it?! It's great this year as usually late afternoon on Boxing Day I'm thinking actively about work.

This year I'm just in limbo......

Spent 2 days with The Boy and Darling Daughter now I'm schlepping around my new place not wanting to go anywhere other than my kitchen for more cups of tea.......

Tonight I will snuggle up on the sofa with yet more tea and think about the year ahead.

Lots to do and lots to plan.....

Hope you are all enjoying Limbo and see ya'll real soon

getting into the American vernacular agin cos I'm looking at flights USA bound..........

The holidays are coming...

2008-12-12T11:49:00.003Z

Christmas IS coming.....

So I'd better get out there and get some Christmas........

Some of you may know that I am not at all comfortable with calling Christmas the holiday season etc. It IS Christmas and something that we as Christians celebrate for a reason. For that I am not ashamed. Christianity is the 'religion' of my country and I am sure that people who have travelled to the UK will appreciate. I also look forward to the Chinese New Year. Yes I do understand and appreciate that there are many religions around the world that have different ceremonies they embrace. If I travelled to Egypt or India I would respect the order of the day. So please. Do not be ashamed to celebrate Christmas and stop being super sensitive to what you think others may possibly feel.

I feel it is politically INCORRECT to ignore Christmas

Off the soap box now.........
I'm sitting at my desk with a pleasant view out of the window and confirm to myself just how right this move was! I am still amongst boxes and boxes of stuff to unpack and find homes here that might not be available but it's beginning to work its magic.

I have my 2 Father Christmas' that I bought in Arizona a couple of years back on my desk, looking cheerily at me.

Eeek, why am I here again????

Herpes simplex, 1 or is it 2......

2008-12-06T23:16:00.002Z

Oh my. I have been searching for a sackcloth......

I have an affliction...

A disease....

Cold sores!

With all the stress of moving my daughter to her new big house then me to my new tiny 'house', I awoke this morning with Mount Etna erupting all over my face.

It's a biggie

A huge roaming 8 headed monster on my top lip and one enormous blob on the bottom lip.....

I look scary

Seriously

I shock man and beast......

These are gonna take a long time to go away

Oh drat, no kisses under the mistletoe for me then..........sigh

back for good

2008-12-04T21:49:00.002Z

I HAVE MOVED!!!

I am staying put for some considerable time. I can not face all the upheaval. This place as a base could work really well. I'd like to divide my time between this new place in the UK, the good 'ole USA and Italy, or possibly France.

Hey but look.....I have the Internet. Ooooh I was feeling quite disconnected in all ways without it.

This new place is gonna be perfect fodder for my creative juices so to speak. I could feel whole chapters reeling around my head after a 'meet and greet' on the stairs earlier.

I shall sleep most of the weekend but am looking forward to being back in the driving seat come Monday

Watch out......pinkicing is about

The final

2008-12-01T22:29:00.003Z

okay, for anyone still left tuning in on the odd occasion, I now have a telephone...........but....

no blinking Broadband Internet service! Grrr

At Darling Daughter's babysitting whilst she is out with boyfriend in London to see Bill Bailey live at the Gielgud theatre. I hope she has a fab time. I had fun playing with The Boy. Oh he's so scrummy. He's now fast asleep on the sofa snuggled under a duvet. So maybe he should be in his bed but this is the first time I have looked after him in his new house and quite frankly whatever he wanted to do we did. Well within reason!!

We cooked supper and he ate more red and yellow peppers than went into the pot. We raced around, read books, played cars and giggled. And at bedtime we played duvet tents and underneath the duvet tent we played with cars, trucks and motorbikes in a salad spinner posing as The Wall of Death until he was so sleepy he wanted to sleep right there.

I love being a Nannie!!

Anyway moving tomorrow and should be finished with all ex properties by Friday afternoon. I am goining to the hairdresser (hopefully) in the afternoon and having a drink to celebrate Friday evening. Any takers......????

phones 4 the Nation

2008-11-25T14:56:00.002Z

okay....calm calm calm

out with anger, in with love........

Still no phone or Internet

apparently I'll get it by 1st December......yeah yeah yeah

Is that 2009 though..........

Interim msg

2008-11-21T17:58:00.002Z

British Telecom .....grrrrrrrr
still no freaking landline and Internet

cut me off too early and connected me to some poor old man#s phone line. Trying to get people in India to understand what has happened, that it's their #fault', and to reconnect me urgently is, it seems, impossible

Right that's 3 letters to corporate CEO's. Not that they will care about their pondfish customers but I will publish any responses! Just have to move and get settled then I will have the time

the tooth fairy

2008-11-10T22:56:00.003Z

oh yippee doo

I'm in a panic! I am running outta time to pack up and move. Grrrr

I do this in life. leave everything to the last minute

Actually I only do that if I am not scared

So that's most of the time...........

I went to the new place with a friend of mine on Saturday and we spent one hour trying to work out what furniture I would be able to fit in and where. I felt enormously relieved as I am dreading the move actually. I am making a big decision to clear the path to allow me to be in a position to have a stab at writing.

This probably also means really cheap holidays if at all..........Oooh gawd.....

Now there's a travel book. 100 countries and $50...............

Obama

2008-11-05T20:54:00.003Z

Congratulations America, you gon an got yerselves a new President, elect....

Let's just pray, and pray true to ourselves, that this 44th president will be the leader that is required on the International front.

Good luck to you America and the best of luck to the Rest Of The World

I have to say........thank everything I can that Bush is almost out. What a disaster he and his administration was

Politics is not my thing these days. Too jaded and worn out. In my teens and twenties I was passionate. In my thirties I had experienced true politics and come my forties, I had no desire to know anymore.

I vote but I know truth and that will never give me peace

I trust we will all get to know just how many people voted in the end. For years USA produced under 20% voting for the entire country. So maybe 23% this time....... Nah, only kidding! Ha, maybe 26%! Ooops ignore me, just tired from moving Darling Daughter to new home.

Be back soon xx

change in the air

2008-10-15T13:59:00.003+01:00

Change is in the air....

I am moving..............

yes.....

AGAIN.......

This will hopefully be the place I can stay in for some time.

I never 'took' to the place I am in now. It's fine. It's pleasant. It's okay

I have just never felt 'connected' to it

I felt a connection to the new place. It's much smaller. Really small in fact. It needs modernising. It needs fresh paint. It's probably got ghastly neighbours. But it just felt 'right'.

Know what I mean???

So the next month will see me frantic as I pack, donate, and sell most of my possessions.

My writing will be top of my agenda for the Winter. How cool is that??? I shall hibernate in a tiny apartment and not appear until Spring. Having rid my life of most of its stresses I shall be excited for 2009. I feel that 2010 is a big year for me in some way ( something in my water...)so all I can do to prepare will be good.

Hmmm, it occurs to me that I really can adapt, change and embrace life.

Now if I could only work out how to change my Blog...............

Global domination

2008-10-06T23:44:00.004+01:00

I'm struggling to catch up these days and one of the things that is suffering is my Blog

Sorry guys

A week ahead of me. Things I must do:

- Give a business report to Shelagh
- Catch up with CJ who has had 2 recent ops. One on her shoulder and latest on her knee
- COMPLETE OFFICIAL FORMS AND POST.......do not delay any further
- Not fret about Darling Daughter and The Boy
- FORMS FORMS FORMS......aaagh

I hate filling out forms. Where on these blinking forms can I add my personal slant. No I can't. I hate that we have stopped talking to each other. I am human NOT a process.

I feel like we are on the brink of revolution.

If I want to pay a utility bill I have to conform to their process. I remember having an Electricity Board shop in our town and it was fitted out with an array of cookers, fires, fridges and the like all for purchase and at the back were 2 friendly people who would take your money for your quarterly domestic and commercial electricity bill. You could have a chat. Not a long chat particularly. Mostly passing the time of day.

All this interaction provides a structure. A calm and stable environment by which humans thrive.

If all I can do is interact with voicemails, emails, automatic helplines, televisions, security gates, automatic processes, computers, and indeed Blogs, is it any wonder I am forgetting to think for myself!

I miss the small kindnessess of human touch.

It is universal 'dumbing down' and I will not do it

But do feel free to comment..............!!

a message for the few

2008-09-22T23:06:00.002+01:00

I'm back!

I've been away!!

Went to Cornwall. It was glorious weather Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Just peachy!

Now I'm snuggled up in my bed and loving being back at 'my' place.....

Speak later alligator..........

The Joy of Grandparenting

2008-09-14T10:29:00.003+01:00

Me right now
I am happy!!

I'm excited.....

I DO like being me.....

I'm also a little scared............

________________ ****** ___________________ ****** _____________

When Darling Daughter was a small 'un I'd invent many a story and spend many an afternoon clambering through woodlands looking for Peter the Pixie and his community. This fired her imagination. And help walk many a mile.....

So when I strode through Polesden Lacy yesterday with The Boy and came upon a small thatched wooden summer house with a medium size hole in the corner, it fired up my imagination and I resurrected Peter the Pixie.

'Ooooh look, what might live in there?'

'A mouse'

hmmmm

'Yes and maybe a Pixie'

'No'

'I think Peter the Pixie lives in there and he is sitting in his chair reading a book waiting for us to move away so he can come out'

'Why?'

we both think

'He wants to go to the shops Nannie to get some food'

Brilliant! He's getting this

A young girl, about 7 comes into the summer house. Her Mother and Grandparents stand a way back.

'Look'

'What's in there'

'A mouse'

'Maybe Peter the Pixie'

They both look at me

'If we are ver very quiet we might be able to hear him. Perhaps he's making a cup of tea'

Little Girl is wide eyed

The Boy is, well......

'It's a mouse'

'And spiders'

'I think Peter the Pixie is snuggling up in his chair with his cup of tea, reading a book and waiting for his friends to call so they can go out. Perhaps they are going shopping'

Little Girl and The Boy are crouching over the hole exchanging possibilities of what will happen next.

'The Pixie lives in here'

'And the mouse'

Eventually Little Girl wanders off.
'Bye'

The Boy grabs his stick
'Bye'

The Boy pokes and prods an earth mound

'Nannie! Look it's a wiggly worm!

Little Girl gets to the end of the long straight path

'BYYYYEE'

The Boy looks up briefly

'Bye' as he waves with one hand

His earth mound reveals an exciting discovery

'Look! A bug Nannie'

Nannie lets out a very big sigh. Max the Mouse or Smithy the Spider perhaps.........................

analytical hogwash

2008-09-11T18:51:00.003+01:00

Hello all you lovely people......

I'm going through a few phases.

I survived puberty, married life and menopause phases....

The 'I'm down with the not having a job' phase is okay. The 'It doesn't matter if I get up at 10am' phase concerns me. Oh and a particular favourite, the 'Stay in your pj's til the afternoon' phase.

What I see creeping in is the 'What the *%^k am I going to do now' phase...................

Next step programme

2008-09-01T21:06:00.001+01:00

It's done!

All finished

Legal nonsense complete, I am now officially unemployed and happy to be out of there.............

So many paths....

So little time.....

The changeling

2008-08-29T19:37:00.004+01:00

The one thing I've noticed when I'm not rushing round the country in the name of work is that I see wonderful little things. Things I and all my colleagues miss.

Like the baby robin venturing into the big big world watched by his Mommy. The toy cars that need garaging with my Grandson. The elderly women and gentlemen who run the Womens Institute. The people who have a tale to tell....

Now I'm not advocating we all give up work and become nomads. Heavens no!!

I'm saying that I, me, Pink Icing lady, want to be free. Free to enjoy all these things.

So who'd have thought I would be changing yet again???

Well duh! Anyone who knows me I guess.................

Trying options. The journey is often better than the destination....

the quick brown fox

2008-08-19T11:59:00.002+01:00

still here - just sorting out legal stuff from job, should be all wrapped up by end of the month.

Now where can I get a plane to................

thought of the day

2008-08-12T11:34:00.003+01:00

I think I'm going to up sticks and go to the States again - maybe pick up a job - well if I can get a green card.....

Then again a return to Sicily would be fabulous......

Or why not try New Zealand, Canada or Australia? They do speak English which makes it easier.

It's just the money and the debt that make me hesitant at the moment otherwise I'd be swimming those oceans!

Free

2008-08-05T14:46:00.002+01:00

I am free........

freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

My job is no more

Yippeeee

Just have some legal shit to deal with then I will tell you more. Well nothing that would compromise my position you understand.

Frrrreeeeeeeeee

Official news

2008-07-29T20:41:00.003+01:00

I realise that my posts have been very sad, pathetic and hardly a joy to read for sometime now. For that I apologise

My Blog is often my only solace against the big, bad and the ugly

I'm snuggled up in bed watching a tv show on my new television. I retired to bed just after 8pm!! That's how tired I am.

I bought myself one of these newfangled modern televisions in the sale. Digital. We all go digital in the UK soon. Well it's staggered over a couple of years. To be honest I haven't paid any attention to 'The Switchover'. I kinda figured Darling Daughter would just tell me when I needed to sort it out if I needed to....

There!

It's official. I AM old.........

1 number

2008-07-28T21:45:00.002+01:00

still here

didn't win the Lottery!!

didn't win myself any free time either it seems

Another 7 day working week.....

Too shattered

Must get life

Must

Just must

positive vibes please

2008-07-18T17:09:00.002+01:00

oh it's been lovely - I've had my friend Ali here to stay with me for a while. She actually came to work with me at the dreaded Bitchfest Arena.

She hated it

She said I should leave...

She says my unhappiness is down to a lot of what's there

She's right

She said the qualities I have are still there and I need to find a way of freeing them

She kept me sane when I worked this last week.

Thank you Ali. And thank you Roger for letting her be here!

So here I am, with the weekend ahead of me trying to work out my plan to leave; open a tea and lifestyle shop, retrain as a regression therapist and maybe a beauty therapist, buy a house for me, my daughter and grandson and write my book.

But most important of all wake up every morning without the feeling of unhappiness and dread. My physical and spiritual health is severely affected and I can not continue in this manner for much longer without serious consquences.

I'll even do the Lottery this weekend....you never know...wish me luck!

perfectmatch.com

2008-07-03T20:08:00.004+01:00

I know it's been a while.....

Been working

Up in Yorkshire. Ilkley to be exact. Beautiful place, really scenic. Makes me miss Wales.....

Usual thing though, work in one indoor place all day, drive to hotel, eat, go to bed, get up and start all over again. This is the 8th night and I'm soooo ready to go home to my bed.

All my work colleagues (and work bitches) have gone home and tonight I relished a night on my own. I decided to eat in the hotel restaurant.

Oh was that a bad idea.....

Only 2 tables. Me and a table of 4. A man, woman and 2 teenage girls.

The 2 young gawky barmen doubling up as waiters put our tables next to each other. Clearly thinking less hassle for clearing up. I wasn't too bothered as i'd already determined that I would scoff my food and go up to my room, catch a bit of television and relish a long soak in the chipped avocado green bath.....

I ate and finished my spicy melon balls with lone fanned strawberry as they were seated. They were brought their starters.

I looked around in a panic.

What on earth was that noise?

The kitchen was the other end of the room

Weird

I glanced around me as I sipped my Campari and long life orange....

OMIGOD

NO

PLEEEEASE NOOOOOO

Close your bloody mouths, the food will fall out

The party of 4 scoffed, slurped, squelched, chomped and talked quietly. All with open mouths.

I can take many things.

Just ask my violent ex druggie and alcoholic boyfriend Martin L. Ah yes. No. He's dead.
Could ask my violent, epileptic, anti social, gay ex husband. Mmmm, probably won't open the door to answer questions.
Guess you could try my ex partner, the one who ran off with another woman and took all the money, houses and cars leaving me homeless, penniless and not even a bicycle. Oh no, he never left a forwarding address.....

So how come this group, on their best behaviour as Mum was bringing daughters on first holiday with new boyfriend, thought eating like that was okay??

Or am I going mad??

Seriously

Where did she find a slurping noisy squelching eating boyfriend that fitted in so well with her and her girls?? This is most definitely a case of 'similar interests' on the dating web site questionnaire.....

Where is that web site??

I want one!

I want a boyfriend that matches me so well

Just where does one start??????

A word of thanks

2008-06-25T18:20:00.003+01:00

I recently revisited a couple of Blogs that I read a lot when I first started Blogging. Being a Newbie I was in awe of their sophistication and the hoards of followers and comments.

I've popped by from time to time and have been fascinated at their journey. I have come to form an opinion of these two, and that was a surprise. Their journey has travelled them in many unplanned directions.

And so has mine

If anyone who drops by this Blog now and dropped by when I started, what must they think???

Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me XX

nothing really

2008-06-23T21:29:00.002+01:00

I'm not a happy bunny still - work is completely crap and I hate, really really hate, working with gaggles of bitchy women.

On a better note I spent much of the weekend with good friends. It was indeed lovely to spend the time with them. Went to a party on Saturday night with Em and Bev. I didn't drink a drop of alcohol but imbibed a bottle of elderflower fizzy water and ate 2 Orieo cookies, 1 iced party ring biscuit, small side plate of chilli and 5 baby potatoes and 3 mini tomatoes. I got to bed at 2.45am but I had a clear head the next day, had enjoyed myself and was unfuzzy having brunch with Karen L on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a wee alcohol sherbert as much as the next person, I just feel too vunerable with this thumb that still feels a tad alien........

Princess pauper

2008-06-15T19:04:00.002+01:00

Am I the only one (well apart from Auntie Elona) who thinks spending multi millions of British pounds - or dollars, yen, etc - on a wedding is obscene??

I am no different from many women who would love to have a fabulous wedding do. But just because you want it, can buy it, doesn't make it morally right.

Before we hit celebrity obsession we mere mortals had no real idea of the vast monies the elite actually spent on events like weddings. Better that way.

Now most people want, and more worryingly think it's acceptable, to have gaudy displays of obscene disposable wealth on view for all.

It's wrong, on every level

The big one

2008-06-08T20:49:00.002+01:00

Recycling is paramount if we are to give us a few extra years on this planet.

So I've decided, once again, to embrace recycling fully

I am going to recycle myself!!

Watch out all you lot out there......I'm coming to getcha.......

The Brady Bunch

2008-06-08T20:03:00.003+01:00

Blimey Sunday evening already.......

Been fabulous weather this weekend. Did nothing but laze around, catch up with a few friends and now settle into this evening with a bottle of Lucozade (don't know US version) and the television.

Darling Daughter and The Boy have been away for a couple of weeks, this has led Father of The Boy into a rage as he believes Darling Daughter has a boyfriend. He had turned up extremely agitated at my place early this morning. He is ranting, raving and threatening Darling Daughter and things are at boiling point. I am old and ugly enough to know that they have to deal with the emotions before it can all work out. I just wish Father of The Boy could not get so extreme. Had Old Father of Father of The Boy call me and give me an earful as well. Basically telling me I wasn't a good Mom and interfered, my daughter was irresponsible blah blah blah........

Darling Daughter has decided to remain with her friends for the time being

By 11am I was quite fed up!

I called my Mum. I miss her loads and contempated jumping in the new tiny weeny car and driving the 5 hours to get to her house.

And not come back...............

Oh joy, work tomorrow and a week of bitchy women.

Is all this really worth it???

missing you already

2008-06-04T22:12:00.003+01:00

So, went to work Monday...... By 12.30 I was ready to sleep under my desk and my thumb was really painful. I left just after 1pm, my wonderful Mom picked me up and dispatched me off to bed with a light wholesome lunch to follow my nap.

I love my Mum

She goes home tomorrow.........

Reality hit me at work. It's a bitchy chaotic mess. I dont like it.

Okay went to physio lady on Tuesday. Think her name is Georgia, or Georgina, or even Jo. Must confirm that as I want to get her a box of chocolates or something to thank her.

Suddenly in my tired old brain that sounds absurd, thanking a person who causes me pain...!!!

Anyway. GGJ shaved and stretched my weird cast to allow for some stretchy, medically smelly bandage strip to protect my thumb. Apparently my skin can breathe through it and it will stop the tender sensation I get from parts of my thumb rubbing on the cast.

GGJ upped my exercises as well. My 5 reps of touching each fingertip with a slightly bent thumb tip is going well. I now get to move my thumb out to the side a little way.

Oooooh I am really scared of this move. I'm frightened it will hurt more and it might break or snap.

It doesn't as GGJ is fabulous and knows just how to get me to do what she needs and take me through my fear barrier.

I said it felt funny. Like there was a lumpy thing in the middle of what should be soft flesh.

GGJ smiles as she often does and said calmly, but probably hysterically laughing inside her head, that it was my new tendon...............

Tonight Mom took me out for a drink and a great meal at a wonderful small pub near me. We chatted and chatted over an orange juice and a hearty meal and I tried to savour every moment of the time I had had her to myself.

I shall miss her when she isn't there when I come home from work tomorrow.....

mini note

2008-06-01T18:53:00.002+01:00

It's Sunday and I'm off to work tomorrow morning - just for the morning. Break myself in gently so to speak

My thumb looks alien............

I'm not so frightened of it today!

Went for a lovely long walk with Mother this afternoon. Came across a pretty hedged area with a pond and benches around it. There's some marshy bits in the posh area behind me, didn't realise it was there. The marshy bit, not the posh bit.....

There was a trodden path through longish grass.

I started to walk down

I froze. Nah. Perhaps I wasn't ready for this......

Thumbs up

2008-05-28T20:36:00.003+01:00

I've dropped the Tramadol - they've given me interesting aural hallucinations.....

It's evil. Evil .... EVIL......

Interesting, but not what I needed in my ears and head!!

So down to paracetamol from now on......

Went to physio this afternoon. OUCH! She massaged, with firm pressure, cream onto my newly healing wound in small little circles. I must do this twice a day. I'm frightened, my wound will open up I think!!!

Next she made me exercise my fingers. Ha! Piece of cake.... Then she made me move the tip of my thumb.
Did it move???
Yes, yes I'm sure it did.
Physio Lady (Drat forgotton her name) said that was good.

Did she say that to everyone..........

Then she asked me to touch the tips of all my fingers with the tip of my thumb. Index finger? Easy. Middle finger? Wobbly and tender. Ring finger? Painful and just too wobbly. Little finger?? Nice Physio Lady said we'd just concentrate on the first 3 fingers for now.......

I'm hopeless

I do however have a room full of flowers..... They are lovely and it's good to know people care.

When I'd just come out of hospital Scottish Karen came laden with grapes, magazine and flowers. Perfect! The flowers passed away yesterday but I was able to save one pretty rosebud and put it in a small glass dish and it now sits on the bedside table. I love Scottish Karen, she puts up with me in all situations

Martin and CJ came a calling at the weekend. I love them to bits. They always make time for me and accept everything I do with a smile! They bought me a fabulous pair of pink earings so that when I wear them I'll always remember this time

Friends are great. They get you through the bad times as well as the good.........

Do ya know? MEathead Neighbour has taken to speaking to me, enquiring about my health!!

Oh and I have had a trip to the hairdresser and returned to brunette. Gone are the blonde locks that my Mother didn't like. Interestingly, men didn't like it either................

Dignity of grace

2008-05-21T16:48:00.003+01:00

My house is tidy. All my ironing piles are ironed and put away. I'm eating healthy regular meals. My house looks lovely.

I am in a parallel universe.....

I am enjoying my Mom being here, I don't want her to go home.... She went out shopping today and I tried to dress myself. Well that was a disaster.

I would try wrapping your leading hand up in a bandage and have a go. Might be amusing!

Knickers went on without too much hassle. Found a huge sensible pair. A lot of huffing and puffing and realisation that my balance isn't quite right and they were up. Next my bra. Being of large bosom i need the scaffolding to balance out my body and allow my clothes to have a chance of falling okay. 17mins later i was in tears, i couldn't do up 2 back hooks despite being turned round to the front. I sat on the bed in frustration and pain as my entire thumb area sent shooting pain around my hand and up my arm.

I would persevere. And take another painkiller......

Eventually, after 35 minutes, i had managed to hook the blinking bra up and twist it almost round to cup my boobs. I say almost. i gave up halfway. It was just too much

I found a big and baggy short sleeved dress. I popped it over my head and carefully over my right hand. Somehow i had got the dress rolled up and couldn't quite get my left arm in. Again i huffed and puffed. I got my left arm in an struggled to pull the rolled and caught up dress down. 10 minutes later, exhausted, i sat on the sofa.

Mum came home and came through the French doors smiling as she praised my cleverness. I meekly smiled one side of my mouth. I tried to stand up.

'My God what on earth....'

'Don't say a word. Please just help me'

I had got so tangled up but had managed to smooth enough dress out at the front when sitting down so I looked relatively normal. Mom tried to pull the dress down at the back.

My Meathead neighbour walked passed.

My extra big pants were on show.....

Mum looked at me. I looked at Mum.

Oh the indignity of it all........

We fell about laughing. Laughing and laughing til our tummies ached.

It was a fitting end to the day...............

big op, little hand

2008-05-19T16:44:00.002+01:00

I've had an op. My thumb area was 'a mess' according to Mr Mok. A standard 45min op ended up as 95mins!!

I'm recovering at home. Bit drugged up with painkillers, thank god. Well actually after 24hrs of no painkillers cos the dopey discharge nurse forgot to pack me off with anything. I was climbing the walls......

Most wonderful is that my Mom has made the journey up to stay with me and look after me. No matter how old i get it's always comforting to have my mom around when i'm ill. And i know when i will be feeling better as i will be desperate for her to go home.........

Physio on Tuesday - eeeiow scared of that......

The Poor Me's....

2008-05-13T20:30:00.002+01:00

Last weekend was going to be such fun. I'd popped into Martin & CJ's for a 'quick' cuppa on the way home Friday, reminding me that Idon't meet up with them nearly as much as I should.

Saturday morning i was going to pick up my new car from the garage. As it was promising to be a fabulously warm and sunny day i planned my day with great spirit. I would walk to the garage - no need to get a cab - a 30min walk would be healthy. So at 9.15am I popped on my new skirt and tee shirt and slipped into my trusted Merrills. I'd bought this particular pair of Merrills on my Big Vacation in the States and I still wear them whenever i can.

Off i walked on the paths of the main road feeling good about the day and myself. I came to the end of the path and the next stage was a section of grass that was a little overgrown. Only another 5 mins walk now and i would get my new shiny silver car.

Suddenly i was tumbling over on the grass. I jumped up, pride makes you do that i think. Looked deeper into the grass and found a circular thin metal wire thing. i had clearly stepped on it and it popped up and I caught my other foot in it making me tumble to the ground. i checked my skirt and knees, no damage so I carried on. By the ti me I got to the garage I was in shock or running on adrenalin I think. My thumb hurt and I struggled to sign my name. I had to start the car with my left hand as my right hand hurt too much!

The day progressed and the pain got worse. I dithered and debated as to what I should do. Eventually after tapping my finger on my French doors around 4pm and recoiling in excruciating painI decided this was more than a bruised thumb.

So after a lot of tooing and froing I sat in A&E (ER) saying I thought I'd broken my thumb. I felt a fraud. There were people there with cuts to the head, limping legs, children crying. I was about to leave when the nurse came out and called my name. What should I do? They would undoubtably be cross for wasting their ti me. It's just that I am a wuss with pain

It turnned out I had broken my thumb. I burst into tears. The nurse was lovely.

I said that whilst i didn't want this it was a reaction to the validation of the pain

She smiled and gave me pills for the pain. i dithered over swallowing them. i'm one of these people that doesn't take tablets at all. Not cos I don't believe inthem or have a religious reAson, i just know that any headaches i get are usually stres or dehydration. (Boy does that frustrate Darling Daughter!) Anyway i took them as i figured this was a valid reason....

So tonight finds me struggling to write on my lap top but having survived a near overdose on prescribed painkillers, a race from DD's house in an ambulance strapped with wires and dipping in and out of consciousness, a visit to the fracture clinic today for them to tell me that it was more than a broken bone and that I'd need an urgent (but exciting, doctors eh!) restructuring op on alignment, broken bone and broken ligaments.

I felt tears sting my eyes

I was a grown up, I should be able to deal with news like this.

So i am sorry if this post sounds somewhat self pitying. But you k now what I do feel sorry for myself.

I'm frightened

There I've said it.

Me

I'm scared

I'm on my own and have no one to share these fears. I don't feel a vibrant independent woman right now. I've laughed at those documentaries that remind us that we are the sophisticated beings cos we ha ve opposable thumbs. Good grief do i REALLY understand that now.......

I am trying to come to terms with this and the realisation that it will take a while to mend.

What will I do???

Perhaps it'll be better after the op and when the hand is in a proper cast.

Now I k now so very many people experience far far worse medical traumas than this (read Whims horrifying experience) and I feel a fraud and guilty for feeling bad but I AM struggling.

The most I can hope for is 85% mobilty in my right thumb afterwards.

You know what? Stuff being healthy if this is what happens......................

quick burst

2008-05-08T22:33:00.004+01:00

just one of those mini posts to say.......

well to say still here, still working toward Eden.... Financial ruin will hit me way before that will happen.....

Had a lovely weekend just gone. Watched old Hollywood musicals last Sunday - heaven! Saturday took The Boy to a car show. He's two and a half and can tell you his Ferrari Enzo's from his Alfa Romeo's, to Porche and Lamborghini. Even more astounding The Boy knows most of the models. Yes I was a proud Nannie but what was fabulous were the groups of super cool dudes in awe of this scrap of a chap at his ability. The Boy was unfazed and continued to inspect and enjoy the cars. He simply HAS to do omething with cars when he's older

Let's hope I financially recover and help him to do something more than a car wash attendant.....

see ya

The end of Civilisation

2008-05-02T21:52:00.005+01:00

I had every intention of writing about my day at the local WI market and my birthday. Both notables in my life

Then I thought I'd cruise the Blogesphere first, surf or whatever it is one does when searching random Blogs. I've done this a few times recently and it never ceases to amaze me what people write and photograph. I only wish I could return 'home' with a big grin on my face.

Sadly I don't

I find it far too disturbing to see what I feel are inappropriate photographs of small children. One site sticks in my mind, one that displayed lots and lots of pics of a young dazed looking Asian lad in pants (underwear) and a tee shirt. Not one smile. I daren't look at any other posts on it. So I clicked the little 'flag for objectional content' button.

What happens when you do that? Does it get checked?

Thing is it has stayed in my mind and it won't go away. Like missing little Madeline McCann

Looking at some of my favourite Blogs tonight I read Pinks post about her passion for the death and destruction of the planet through mankind. It tapped into a part of my brain that hasn't been active for some time.

What do you do when the world is about to die?

This was a question facing me in 1996.

In 1975 in my parents pink family bathroom I sat on the edge of a bath whilst my close friend's boyfriend sat on the toilet (lid down!) and told me why I shouldn't use spray deodorants. I was horrified, garnered into saving the planet and determined that everyone else would

Oh the confidence of youth........

I wasn't perfect. I wasn't a vegan. I wore make up and leather high heeled shoes

I was on the other hand passionate about 'the cause'

Over the years I went on marches, displays, concerts and supported radical groups like Friends of the Earth, CND & Greenpeace. I had a brain and eloquence that suited my confidence and used it whenever I could. I ensured that my child was brought up on fresh organic foods in the 1980's. Processed foods were banned as my 'E for Additives' and 'How to eat Raw' books were top of the cookery book pile. I didn't have a car, I cycled everywhere. My 6 yr old was cycled to school on the back of my big old boneshaker. I refused plastic bags in preference of wicker baskets. I travelled miles to find places to recycle things that I couldn't recycle in my home. I was happy in myself and happy to show it

'People' didn't want to know. The world wanted to label people like me as raving old hippies.

Then came the 1990's

I was changing

I was not happy

I was no longer eloquent

It began in 1996. By New Years Eve 1999 I had become a different person. I had finally decided that the entire effing world was beyond care and I embraced capitalism and its sister apathy with vigour.

I didn't give up everything. Don't get me wrong. I drove not one car but many. The joy of a classic car, the excitement of a modern power car, all were to be experienced. I lost my bike along the way.... I put piles and piles of glossy magazines in my wicker baskets in my sitting rooms and bedrooms, and used plastic bags for my shopping. Sometimes I saved them to put rubbish in so that was sort of okay eh......

On an empty beach two and a half years ago, the same friend that told me about the dangers of CFC's now told me that we could not halt the destruction of the world, even if all the countries of the world cooperated immediately. It would delay it but the end result was the same.

I stood on the beach looking over at Sizewell (Nuclear Plant) and felt bereft.

What was this all about? What had we done? Why had I let myself be seduced by Ferrari and Jimmy Choo?

Within approx 10 years the now mainstream Friends of the Earth would decamp to the country they considered would be the best place to be. It wasn't going to be announced or made a big fuss of. This was all inevitable. I felt a rush of panic. I had a daughter and a grandson. What life would it be for them. And how could I get to this country, this Garden of Eden before it was too late

My Master Plan was reformed at that very moment and the plan was to do the same, move to Eden within 8 years and 'fuck you'.

It's 2008. I'm not happy. I have a poor carbon footprint that I convince myself is okay because it's better than my neighbour.

I am no closer to getting to Eden, even though I know its location.

I am angry with myself and yet still seduced into Corporate and government apathy

STOP

LET'S STOP

Let's all stop

Whatever happens will happen and I sure as Hell don't want to find when I'm dead that my conscience will be floating in the ether with heavy guilt

Winter is banished

2008-04-27T09:10:00.005+01:00

Managed to fit a quick half an hour at my local Womens Institute (WI)Country Market on Friday. Now for those of you who have been around for some time you will remember my tales of joy, woe and embarrassment at many a WI Country Market

So there I was, once again, queuing in a small foyer awaiting the call for 'Open Sesame'

We could no longer queue as we were all muddled up into the small foyer as we tried to squeeze in. Oh disaster!

You know how the British like to queue....

This was clearly causing some concern to many of the 80+'s.

'Oooh you were before me'

'Yes, but she was before me'

'she' was ignoring all and edging ever so slowly to the door that held all manner of delights behind....

'Doreen is usually here by now'

A couple of eyes looked at me

'You were before him'

'him' remained still against the wall reading a paper

'Ah yes, I believe I'm third in line'

All eyes looked at me

Incredulously......

Clearly I was supposed to be last in.....

I smiled resignedly

The door opened to Eden

I held back to let them all in

I queued at the Farm table for a free range chicken.

There were none left

'Oh that's a shame my dear'

'Yesss, it issss' Teeth gritted so much my teeth hurt....

I had forgotton that it is alright to muscle my way in

No flowers on the plant table. Too early in the year. I spied a willow twig and leaf display. It looked a tad whacky and amusing but not in a trendy way. I thought it would be perfect on my coffee trunk, I could look at it and smile remembering how quirky we Brits are at times.

'That's very nice, I can just see it in my living room, how much is it?'

'I'll have it!'

Good grief, rude lady...

The Jolly Rotund Lady (JRL) behind the table looked anxious.

I smiled

'No please, this lady's greed, sorry, need, is greater than mine...'

I turned and went to queue in the tea and coffee queue...

Sitting down with a cup of tea and a custard cream biscuit, a hulaballoo at the Plant Table garnered my interest

It appeared that the Whacky Display was lifted up and fell apart as Rude Lady was taking it from JRL. Rude Lady's raised voice of unreason could be heard around the hall.

JRL looked extremely anxious

JRL's co worker loudly chastised her

A crowd besieged the normally quiet Flower Table

Being British and of a certain age of course they couldn't simply stand about watching. They had to pretend to be interested in the disasterous displays and proffered sums of money for items they wouldn't normally put on a kitchen or coffee table......

I chuckled and finished my tea then passed the melee and wandered back to my house....emptyhanded

Winter has gone and I look forward to a summer of Country Markets, Fairs and Village Days.....

yabba dabba doo

2008-04-24T22:40:00.003+01:00

It's almost here......

Another birthday....

No parties. No excitement

Am I ready??

All work and no fun makes Pink Icing a very dull girl.....

next Thursday I shall wake up as usual, make a big cup of tea as usual and be....

....too old for ....

actually I won't be too old for anything.

Just older skin. Older hair. Older eyesight. Older hearing

Ah and not forgetting an older bank account.....

Nano of thought

2008-04-19T21:56:00.004+01:00

phew those few days flew by.......

Busy completing project for milestone of strategy for big boss. Delivery Tuesday.

Shattered.

Bought a new car

Not flash

Very very basic

No money

Bonus never materialised.....

Want to take up fencing

Think it's the drama and grace.....

Epee here I come.......

Drat, home swashbuckling movies are no more!

qe fdoq 8c bs siv

2008-04-13T21:19:00.003+01:00

nbonj hoi gt ysqis dw d s9 d 9uq e213 d0q9es
askdwquidwd hu aowie cew c weir eweir ruiwr weepwqe f frwefiodwec d,erfpwed f
aye wd7u u9we lwkeed ef fivcnmdfiwef vf[eof w eou we23e923rg43 nbg43rw
w wqywq ue frui vuid eiv djdid djdnjd nv jwpdk apie-02-= u yre

You know, this is kinda what my head feels like right now..............

be back tomorrow when it all starts to fit into place.....

This little piggy went to market

2008-04-01T21:40:00.002+01:00

You know how peculiar and unique life is. (statement not a question!) Well last weekend I found many reasons to feel very grateful for my lot.

Thursday early evening I had spent some time on business in the village I used to live in. Once I'd wrapped up matters I took a journey down memory lane and drove passed my old house. Oh it looked exactly the same. 6 years had flown by and it is on it's second owner after me. I parked the car and strode up to the front door of my ex neighbour.

I knocked

I waited

Brian answered

He remembered me

6 years isn't that long but he is a retired gent who has diabetes and I didn't know what to expect. Would he be dead, widowed, moved or mad??

He was happy to see me

Phew!

Ushered in I was confronted with Yvonne

Captured in the narrow hallway with Brian behind me, Yvonne was trying to plant a fat smacker on my face, far too close to my mouth

I have to tell you I don't kiss people I don't have sex with unless they are close to me, very attractive, healthy or rich. Or I'm drunk!

Yvonne is none of the above......

Air kissing IS much more acceptable

After negotiating myself out of the entanglement we spent a very pleasant 40mins and I was on my way. Addresses and phone numbers exchanged. I wanted to let them know I still cared

That same day I made contact with another lost contact. Barbara C. A senior citizen. Having dropped a card off at her house she called me at the weekend. Barbara C lives on her own and was a very talanted actress and director. She and I worked together many years ago and she was of great inspiration.

Barbara C has had a stroke.

I cried. I cried for everything that was. I cried for everything I had wasted.

Barbara C survives and is coping with the aftermath. We will meet up this weekend. She is amazing.

Then I had the pleasure of being invited to supper with Martin and CJ. They know all sorts of things about me and still let me in their house!! Can't be bad eh?

CJ's youngest called round.

As grown up kids do when they move away, Nick needed to be fed, pick Mum's brains and tell everyone about his Adorable Girlfriend.

Nick is still learning about the intracies of female logic........

When Nick came in to give me a hug I panicked. He is a giant!

No really

Nick must be 8ft 4ins..............well okay, maybe 6ft 3' (CJ any help here??)

I stood on the sofa and tried a 'come over here you' in a Mummsy sort of manner.

Sadly even with me standing on the sofa to hug him Nick still stood taller than me.........

yee Gads......I AM a dwarf....!!

Supper was scrummy. Was it really really Weight Watchers you two???? I feel so relaxed with Martin and CJ, it's so calming and safe. They just 'get me'. And they don't seem to be alarmed or phased by any area of my life.

I love 'em totally.....

I managed to squeeze in some time with Darling Daughter and The Boy. He truly lights up my life.

Carol (sister of extended family) has now been diagnosed with a form of Parkinsons and is in a wheelcar and unable to do anything for herself anymore. Walking is problematic, she needs carers 24hrs to help wash, shower her and manage her catheter bag. Her prognosis is bleak and we all watch her deterioration with frustration and tears.

I am unlikely to win the Lottery, either side of the Atlantic, but when I sit back I see that I have so very much more

How's your life???

Fairy stories r us

2008-03-30T16:56:00.003+01:00

Ah ha!
I'm still here..............

Been to visit the Parentals over Easter. Nightmare journey back, can't even begin to talk about it. In summary what should have been a 4 hour journey turned out to be 12 long tiring hours. When I finally got home, after filling the hire car with unleaded in the diesel tank, paying a garage to open on a Bank Holiday to fix it, breaking Darling Daughter's lap top, screeching at Darling Daughter, dropping Eldest Niece off on the motorway (Interstate) I discovered that I didn't have my house keys. I felt completely desperate.

At that point in my life I did not want a Darling Daughter, Eldest Niece or indeed a family of any description. Nor did I want my life full stop.

I wanted someone elses life.

Someone that had a caring, considerate & organised husband.

A financially stable husband

A stable family

A predictable gentle family

I have always been prone to fairy stories......................

The Lepper

2008-03-18T20:12:00.002Z

Thank you all for messages - lovely to read. You are a good bunch!

I have had a cold sore on my lip for just over a week now.

I look like the Elephant Man.....

Why is it life throws you a curve ball far too often?

Tonight I tried to leave work early, or at least on time. Failed that one. But I knew that last night I had planned ahead.

Yes CJ.....I'd planned something!

I roasted a chicken, potatoes and parsnips and steamed some baby leeks, carrots and broccoli. I set 2 plates full with the English fayre. At a rather late time of 10pm I sat down at my gorgeous granite kitchen table and ate my supper. I'd intended to use my best china and silver cutlery but was far too hungry to get it out. I'd have eaten it straight out of the pans if it wouldn't have scalded my fingers

It was scrummy

I did not stop until the plate was empty. Literally

The second plate was covered in tin foil and ushered into the fridge for tonight's dinner. (are there any health scares about tin (aluminum) foil?)

Knowing that the dinner was all ready and waiting for a 3 minute nuke in my microwave (yes I still remember the health scares with microwaves) I got itchy feet and just had to get home to set the microwave going and have 3 minutes to get undressed, hang my suit up (yes yes CJ, tidy tidy...), throw on my pj's on, take my make up off, don my slippers and rescue my supper.

First I had to stop off and get some milk.

Oh and a bar of chocolate.....

I stood in the queue and struggled with the clasp on my briefcase, whilst juggling the milk and chocolate. I felt harassed by me! I wanted to get to my purse so I could pay quickly and fly out to my roast dinner.

'Damn'

I drop the milk carton

'At least it didn't spill. Here'

OMIGOD

Gorgeous Guy (GGrrr) hands me the milk carton

You're gorgeous! Is my hair okay? Oooo, thank goodness I put on my make up today. Ahh, did I show my knickers went I bent down. Well at least they are my lucky ones. Oh no, I've got my late Grandmother's eternity ring on my wedding finger.

Yippee! He isn't wearing a wedding band.........

'oh, thank you'.

We make small talk, well he does, I kind of babble, until I get to the checkout. I pay, turn around and thank him again, walk slowly waiting for........ Well waiting for GGrrr to respond positively in some way

GGrrr smiles.

I smile back.

I go to my car, my mobile (cell) phone rings, I open the car door, drop shopping on back seat and grapple once again with the briefcase. I get to the phone just in time. It's Suzanne.

'How's things? What you doing for Easter?'

'Parentals at Easter but I've just encountered THE most gorgeous man in Tesco'

'What's he like? Where is he now? Did you ask him for a date?'

'No, with this cold sore he'll probably think I'm scuzzy'

'Darling just tell him you've got gential herpes, he'll probably think that anyway!'

'It's not the same strain'

'Let's see if he knows the difference. Oh go on you need a laugh!'

I shut the car door

'Look, I'm not going to tell him I've got gentital herpes'

I turn around to get into the car and GGrrr is standing there, with his shopping in a carrier bag.

SHIT

'My mistake'

GGrrr isn't smiling....

He walks away

'IT'S JUST A COLD SORE!'

Clearly no sense of humour .......or adventure.... guess that's the trouble with drop dead gorgeous folks....!

first aid

2008-03-11T21:37:00.003Z

Oh good grief....what has happened to me???

Tonight I have written a complaint to our broadcasting watchdog about an advert I've seen 3 times on the television!
I AM officially a grumpy old woman..................

I've been in a foul mood for 2 days. Don't know why. Is it an Equinox?? Is it the hormones? Or bloody lack of them??

I need life and love..........help

Straw hats

2008-03-10T21:35:00.002Z

The British at the seaside

Not a great deal to say tonight. Just wanted to share yet another old picture with you. The beach at Southwold, June 2006

touching base

2008-03-09T20:13:00.002Z

Hey, it's Sunday night and I don't have any panics about work tomorrow. No dread. No fear.

Not quite excitement

More just flat. That's an improvement though.....

Could have something with the strategy presentation made to my Boss last week. It went well. I felt I'd finally accomplished something.

Now just have to deliver...............

So how was your weekend?

I met up with an ex colleague Friday night. He was en route North and I just happened to call at the right time so we had a meal and a great chat. Oh I miss working with him

Saturday was horrid. Knew it would be. Darling Daughter had agreed to meet with Family Mediation (via Son in Law's (SiL) solicitor) to discuss The Boy and financial payments. It is really really hard for me not to tell her what to do sometimes. I know I have to let her make her own way in life. It's just hard to know when to insist, when to keep silent. Maybe there's never a time to insist..... I know when to hug her, that's most of the time! I'm sure they'll work it all out in a while, just gotta let the dust settle.

We're due for a big storm tonight. No sign of it yet.

The Lodgers are back
I give up!
I'm looking for somewhere else.....

And finally

I can't find my camera anywhere......

Wonderful world of Ripley.....

2008-03-05T21:49:00.002Z

Haven't called the Detective back.......yet....

Today at work was pants. Have presentation tomorrow so been busy as a bee. Sent email to my boss and the finance director saying the bonuses for my team were due in March salary.
Response?

My Boss: 'that's a very big ask'

what the fuck??

Finance director: 'they probably wouldn't get one in a different company in this climate'

eh???

So I said to 2 of my team, shut your computers, put your coats on, the drinks are on me.....

We had a lovely meal, few drinks and a jolly good moan

....even better....I put it all on my Company credit card......

On the drive back, with Sticky Fingers (Rolling Stones) blaring away, a few things didn't sit right. There were odd single newish looking trainers dotted on the kerbsides close to my home. At the crossroads in my village I stopped to let a fabulous classic Mercedes pegoda roofed sports car go by and felt this almighty thump.

Bang!

On the bonnet landed a very white and very new single trainer.

I got out of the car to see who and how it had dropped on my car.

Nothing!

Din nada

Zilch

There didn't appear to be anywhere to drop from. Weird and very confusing. I got back in the car, turned left and passed the last few shops before turning into my road. At the end of the village there's a charity shop (thrift shop) and outside there was a huge open cardboard box full of white trainers. I stopped the car and looked.

Somewhere in my brain it was telling me that this was all connected but weird.

I decided that I was too busy for weird tonight and drove on to my road.

I am now sitting snuggled up on my sofa, nursing a big Mickey Mouse mug of tea and feeling bemused but totally intrigued as to where on earth the wayward trainers came from

Help me out here guys. WHere could they have come from???

arrested development

2008-02-27T20:45:00.004Z

We had earthquakes in the UK last night. Biggest in 25 years. Not in a San Francisco sort of way but still a force.

London and Northern parts of England felt tremors

No tremors were felt here in Surrey

Not in any way.........

I have a message on my phone from a policeman asking me to call him back.
I trust there's an apology of some description to follow.

Let me explain.....

A couple of weeks ago a Russian billionaire living in the town near me was found dead, murdered. National news teams were swarming the area. It was gloriously sunny and locals were happy and wandering around in tee shirts. All except the man who decided to walk into a local bank wearing a beanie hat, glasses, a big jacket and holding a plastic bag demand the cashier put all the money at her station in the bag as he had a gun and would use it if she didn't

Generally guns aren't used in the UK. I say generally as I am discounting the gangs of 'youffs' that try to emulate the American rap stars

The cashier put all the money in the bag and handed it back. The Bank Robber, brashly confident in his success, demanded the same of the 2nd cashier. The 2nd cashier handed over his money as well.

The Bank Robber then calmly walked out of the bank, never having exposed his gun

Most of the time Leatherhead is a nothing sort of town, only made 'famous' as being Michael Caine's primary residence. Suddenly we were all catapaulted into a media frenzy.

This all happened on the Wednesday. On the Thursday 3 local papers, Surrey Police Online, bbc online and a few National papers had sensational storied about both events. Strangely enough the bank robbery being the leading story. They had 3 people they wanted to arrest and displayed bank cctv pictures of all 3.

The police were urging people to come forward to identify the men so they could arrest them.

Darling Daughter phoned me hysterical. I couldn't understand a word she was saying. I realised she was actually hysterically laughing. It turned out that one of the 'robbers' pictured was her Father!!

No I know that I divorced her Father in 1983 and hardly ever had contact with him but I was pretty sure he wouldn't commit that sort of crime. Yes I know everyone says that!

My ex husband is guilty of many things but no, not bank robbery.

I'll tell you why

He's an agrophobic and social misfit. To get him to go out is a major event and if he does go out he is very fixed on the end position and keeps his head down, not making eye contact. He wears black. All the time. We went to Africa when Darling Daughter was 6 months old and he wore heavy black trousers and long sleeved black jumpers...... His hairline is receeding considerably so shaves his head and now resembles Uncle Fester

I can see why he might look shifty!!!

After much laughter on both sides I said to DD I was actually concerned about how this would impact on her and The Boy. I could just see those snobby young Mums at playgroup excluding my darling grandson. DD told me not to be so ridiculous. DD hadn't experienced the rumourmongering and gossiping I had over the years, I had clearly protected her in some way

DD urged her Father to 'give himself up' to avoid the police breaking into his house. Actually it's his Mother's house, he lives far away but is staying with her, well nursing her as she is seriously ill and hooked up to a morphine drip. A shock like that could kill her, well and him as he's also epileptic. (gets better eh??)

Ex Husband went round to DD house on Thursday night and took a bottle of wine to get drunk as he was far too distraught and couldn't deal with it. Great. An epileptic drunk.......

Finally on Friday Ex Husband calls the police to 'give himself up'. DD calls the police to let them know who one of the bank robbers is.

So do many upstanding citizens

So do I

Except I do not leave it at that. I confirm who he is. He's my very ex husband. When they eliminate him from their enquiries I expect a full apology. Do they have any idea of the impact the iresponsible statement from the 'temporary' detective could have upon my family?

I want to ask why the detective is temporary but decide now is not the time

On Saturday afternoon Surrey Police had taken down the 'offending' page from their web site and put up a page stating they have eliminated one man from their enquiries

That's it

Nothing else

Except a phone message yesterday from some detective asking if I would call him back.

I might......

Karen H said my family really is disfunctional. I have to agree

One day I would like to have a 'normal' life....................

Hells Kitchen

2008-02-25T21:50:00.003Z

I went back to work today

I went back as a brave new woman........

I came home from work tired and hungry, rushing into the flat trying to work out what would be quicker to cook; lamp chump chops, chicken thighs or some sort of mince thing. Would I be able to wait at all or would I resort to a bowl of cereal and chocolate???

hmmmm, i had some coffee cake left over from the weekend....

Cramming a large slice of cake in my mouth as I peeled my potatoes, carrots, leeks and broccoli I decided griddled lamb was the answer to my tiredness. Popping on my pinny I set about my culinary masterclass with the confidence of Gordon Ramsey......

A lot of 'eff this' and 'eff that' as I dropped the lamb on the floor, rinsing under the tap (faucet) before throwing back on the griddle. Not to mention the very loud 'EFFING HELL' when I finally managed to open the mint sauce jar and spill all down the bottom of my pinny and both my legs.

Damn, the doorbell.....

I'm brought back to reality as I realise Gordon would have some sort of flunky to shout at to open the door.

I can only shout at myself

'FUCK IT!'

I stomp to the front door.

For those of you paying attention, I live in a ground floor apartment with a small garden, not to forget the Meathead and Young Blonde Air Hostess upstairs. Opposite me 2 youngish chaps rent the ground floor apartment and a chubby, jolly couple rent the top flat.

The communal door seems to have been bypassed and this someone rings my front door, again

I yank the door open

OMIGOD!

A youngish handsome man stands in front of me with his heavy winter coat held wide open by his pockets.

He is semi naked underneath.........

'What the effing hell is this about'

'Ermm'

Is it my birthday and I've forgotton......

YHM fiddles in his pockets

'I'm not sure what to say'

this is a very true statement......

'You're not Justin'

'No, I'm not....clearly'

'Where's Justin?'

'Please close your coat'

'Oh yeah sorry. Can't believe Sid gave me the wrong house. Are you alright?'

'Of course'

I may be old but I can still remember what a young stud looks like....

Justin and his flatmate open the door opposite

They stand agog

I know what they mean

'Are you sure everything's alright?'

'For fuck's sake I'm a big girl, I have seen a dick before'

'It's just that....'

'If you want any help let us know'

'Thanks chaps, I'd better get back to my sizzling chops.'

I look at the flatmates then nod at YHM

'Enjoy boys'

I shut the door grinning

I put my overdone chops on my plate with an abundance of vegetables and sit down at the kitchen table. I love my kitchen table. The chairs are expensive wicker and metal.

'FUCK IT!'

I leap up confused.

I put my hand on my bum and feel blood

I go to the bathroom and look on in horror at the sight of the blood trickling down

.......not to mention the green mint sauce all over my legs and the pinny covering my naked body...

In my tired state I had rushed in, undressed as usual but put on my pinny instead of my pj's.....

I don't know what hurts more, my bum or my pride!!

things are not always what they seem....

2008-02-23T22:08:00.003Z

found these whilst going through my old picture folder. So damn clever.

If you look closely you can see the paving slab edges.

My sketches are more of the stick men variety if you know what I mean......

Enjoy!

What a whore

2008-02-21T17:19:00.005Z

Okay so day 4 of the holiday-at-home and I am totally relaxed having just squeezed in a back and neck massage at the local village salon. Didn't know we had one!!!! Going back tomorrow morning for a facial. Ooooh I could get used to this............

Having time on my hands I've been flitting around all sorts of places, seeing all sorts of people.... and picking at my paperwork

Came across this old picture, think it was early nineties. A friend had a bar and I helped her out one day with a French themed event. It was a hoot!

Even made front page of the local paper, quite the accolade.

Well it was more the cleavage made it but hey, I made a front page!

Picked this up on dnr's page gotta do one word answers. Hey I WILL try

1. Where is your cell phone? handbag (purse)
2. Your significant other? next....
3. Your hair? brunette but going blonder
4. Your mother? mad
5. Your father? stressed
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? nothing I can share here....
8. Your favorite drink? pink Champagne dahling
9. Your dream/goal? write and travel
10. The room you're in? Lounge
11. Your ex? A shit head....well he is!
12. Your fear? that I won't get to travel and write
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? having established a UK base travelling with my lap top and a publisher waiting for my next chapter. Or running a tea shop near the coast with a publisher waiting for my next chapter
14. Where were you last night? Out with Ali and K9
15. What you're not? happy in my job
16. Muffins? no...just tooo big
17. One of your wish list items? learn to fly a plane
18. Where you grew up? Welsh valleys
19. The last thing you did ? Had a back and neck massage
20. What are you wearing? pj's
21. Your TV? Panasonic
22. Your pets? adopted
23. Your computer? lap top, hp
24. Your life? not balanced
25. Your mood? calmer
26. Missing someone? no
27. Your car? not gonna talk about that one....
28. Something you're not wearing? make up
29. Favorite Store? Selfridges
30. Your summer? working
31. Like someone? not yet
32. Your favorite color? red (surprised??)
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? a week ago

peace and humdrum

2008-02-18T21:48:00.002Z

So ...... 1st day of holiday today.

Rearranged some chairs and a cabinet in the lounge. Took The Boy to the doctor, took Darling Daughter to the supermarket, took a friend somewhere she wanted to go, walked around my village.

Found a chocolate shop! Sat down and had a hot chocolate in the sweet smelling shop. Complimented the shop owner on her new shop and asked if she made the chocolates on sale herself.

She didn't

They came from Belgium

Can't help thinking she's missing a trick there.......

Called into the linen shop - had a nice chat with the shop assistant - bought an Egyptian cotton laundry bag

Called into the electrical shop - had a nice chat with the shop assistant - bought some vacuum bags

Called into bric brac type shop - had a nice chat with the shop assistants - bought a birthday card for my sister, Lil Sis - forgot her birthday yesterday - am terrible sister

Called into the Post Office - bought a stamp for Lil Sis' belated birthday card - no chat as staff very grumpy

Called into the Pharmacy - had a nice chat with the shop assistants - bought small pot of Vaseline

Walked passed HSBC bank - waved to nice friendly bank assistant

Got into car and drove home

Sorted out a load of washing

Sorted out some paperwork

Made supper

Sat on my sofa feeling all warm and fuzzy thinking of how important maintaining village life is. We have a wonderful fabric of community here in the UK, we just have to work hard at maintaining it.

Looking forward to day 2!!!

Here's to Lil Sis -

A VERY VERY HAPPY AND SPLENDID BELATED BIRTHDAY

fast bikes

2008-02-17T21:55:00.004Z

Is there ever a way a gal can look okay in a full faced helmet???? The only way to ride in the UK is to wear a full faced helmet and it squishes and contorts your face into something out of a horror film. Ho hum....

Darling Daughter and I took The Boy for his first haircut on Saturday. It was quite a momentous moment watching his very long flowing locks tumble onto the floor. He went in looking like an angelic free spirit and came out looking like a little boy full of mischief.

Hope your weekend was good.....mine was cos I've got the week off. Yippee.......

Dirty filthy pants

2008-02-14T20:12:00.006Z

Talk about flights of fancies....... or should that be flights of panties........

Let me just give you all an overview of where I am today:
Working - hate it
Living - 2 bed apartment - hate it

My living circumstances are somewhat frustrating not least because since taking all my 'stuff' out of storage after returning from the States, I can't fit the damn stuff in the tiny weeny apartment. Yes yes I know get rid of it but.....well... but... but..... I CAN'T !

As I can't fit all the 'stuff' tidily away I am getting more and more distressed. So I came up with a plan.

Wear all the clothes 'stuff' then decide what to keep, what to chuck, what to ebay, what to donate etc etc.

So....... I've got as far as my knickers!

I have huge amounts of huge and tiny knickers. They're all neatly washed and stored in piles, drawers, baskets and boxes.

No seriously

Many with labels on, unworn.

What I seem to do is wear a weeks worth, wash & dry them and wear them again next week. Never getting passed the weeks worth to the other piles and piles.

2 weeks ago I decided to try a different tack, Monday I wore Bridget Jones Big Pants to work, came home changed into my track suit and put on a brightly coloured bit of sparkly dental floss to walk around the village for a small bit of exercise. I came back feeling quite sore as the label was chaffing my butt as I powerwalked. Hopped in the bath to relax and then put on a slinky French knicker and matching chemise to lounge around in til bedtime.

Since then I have tried to wear at least 3 pairs of pants (panties) each day

This is not an easy thing, especially as when I get in most nights from work I just wanna put my pj's straight on.......

So back to the panties.................

I'm making some headway into the collection and have rediscovered favourites, decided against some and still prefering Big Pants for work

As they all need hand washing I'd put them in a washing basket and decided that I would wash them all in one go so I wouldn't be tempted to return to old habits of wearing the same few pairs. Yesterday I thought I'd sort them into whites and coloureds piles on my bedroom floor. I carried on with other chores, had a cup of tea then got startled by a knock at the front door. As this is a small gated development it is a shock if the door to the apartment is knocked without a buzzer first from the front gates.

Anyway it was the Gas Man. Gas Man was old and sweaty, and here to put leak sealant in the heating system.

A day early

'Well as you're here you don't mind if I do it now'

erm are you asking or telling me??

'Em, well.....'

'won't take long love'

grrrr, I'm not your 'love'

'Right'

damn nor anyone elses at the moment...

'2 sugars love'

grrrrrrrrr

'okay but how long is 'won't take long'?

'not long, don't worry sweetheart, I'll be finished by the time I finish my tea'

gimme strength

'yeah yeah, 2 sugars right?'

dinosaur!

Armed with his tea and 2 sugars Old Sweaty Gas Man (OSGM) wandered the apartment doing whatever he had to do. I sat on the sofa trying to lose myself in irrelevant searches on Google

did you know there are 36600 results for 'snapped rubber bands'..........

'Wer - hay love, you've been busy'

OMIGOD!

I hurl the lap top on the sofa and rush into my bedroom

You know what's coming next.......

OSGM is standing with a handful of my dirty pants (panties) in his hand!

I freeze

I know I need to say something but can't think of anything appropriate

I end up with:

'this isn't what it looks like'

what?

What DOES it look like you nitwit Pink Icing lady

'Your secret's safe with me love'

What bloody secret? That I have piles of dirty pants in my bedroom? What can he mean??

'wer - hay!'

I decide I can not say or do anything that will improve the situation

I nod my head and meekly retreat into the lounge, grabbing my lap top and burying myself in Google, hoping that his tea was almost finished.

After what seems the entire day sweaty OSGM announces he's finished as he puts a handful of my 'sweaty' Big Pants, French knickers and Dental Floss on the table.

'All done'

I get up but don't catch his eye

'Good, thank you'

'I trust that's it all fixed now'

'Well your radiators should be, if you want something, well.... else, here's my number'

eeeeiow

'Thank you but I think that's all'

How was your Valentines Day????

love songs

2008-02-10T19:59:00.000Z

Do you remember me talking about the Meathead that lived upsatirs? The one walks around in a tight vest, spray tan and very pumped up muscles, with Gods Gift stamped on his forehead??

Anyway he lives upstairs with Young Blonde Air Hostess(YBAH)

Well he 'lived' upstairs...

It would appear that, after many loud arguments, he has left YBAH. Not with another girlie you understand, he should be allowed to have female friends, there's nothing in it, YBAH is neurotic and jealous.

The walls really are paper thin

YBAH is clearly a short haul air hostess. She often leaves at 5am and comes back in the evening. Sometimes YBAH is away overnight. Actually I couldn't be sure of her times but she does have irregular comings and goings.

Since our confrontation over parking Meathead and I haven't spoken. And if he walks passed me he adopts a superior, hard man manner. It makes me giggle.

I've heard him on the toilet.

YES our walls really really are that thin.......

After much door slamming, screaming, 'fuck yous' and glass smashing, Meathead walked out Only to return when YBAH was out a few days later accompanied by his 'friend', on his arm, to collect a few possessions. This has all naturally had quite an effect on YBAH.

We've had the smashing and throwing of china and things phase

We have had the shouting down the phone phase

And we've had the hoards of friends visiting at all hours to hear YBAH pour her heart out time and time again phase

We have begun the crying, howling and quiet sobbing phase

I came home tonight thinking I would pop upsatirs and offer tea and an ear if she ever needed it

But.......

We now have to endure the 'playing one cd single of very loud melancholy music' over and over and over again phase.......

The single that was 'their song' phase.....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH....

Who the fuck gives a shit.

I am no longer sympathetic YBAH.

Stop the music already

Close your windows

Put a pillow over your head before I do it for you.......gggrrrrrr

1st life

2008-02-06T22:31:00.000Z

All i seem to do these days is play catch up.....and never quite do!

Anyway, here I am. In 'my' land. My space, my whatever.

I say that as I was flicking through an article about a couple who met on 'Second Life'....think they should just get a life......

ooops silly me they did....just not a real one

Actually I have been resisting the urge to check it out, mainly because I suspect I might enjoy it! All those computer game things I find extremely addictive. Many years ago I got into Playstation stuff. It all started so innocently..... Hey addictions always do right??? My ex, Richard The Bastard, had been playing quietly on his Playstation in the lounge after work for sometime then, one rainy winter Sunday afternoon I got to the end of a book and, bored out of my skull and fed up of being relegated to the bedroom to avoid the sound of screaming and gunshots, came into the lounge to nidge Richard The Bastard (RTB).

I sat on the sofa next to him.

I sighed.

He didn't respond

I sighed a really big sigh

RTB didn't speak, mutter or turn his head

RTB kept twiddling his thumbs.....

I lurched at him and threw my arms around him and planted a big smacker on his cheek

RTB dropped the machine his thumbs twiddled over.....

I waited for my passionate boyfriend to passionately embrace me.....

'Shit, damn, now I've stepped in the acid....'

RTB was playing Alien

And that was there it all began. That very moment.

It started out, as I said, innocently enough. I would sit next to my now passionateless boyfriend as he searched the entire ship for creatures that spat acid, popped out of pods and men cocooned in webby stuff.

My heart pounded. It raced. I felt tense with the excitement.

I navigated for my boyfriend. Together we roamed the ship, the planet, the universe.

We were as one!

They say you don't always remember the time you took your next step down your addiction spiral. Me neither. One day I was surrounded by fluffy pillows and luxurious throws reading books, the next I was fully armed and dangerous. I now commanded my own weapons and I would never be caught. I'd die first.......

And indeed I did. Many times

So then, on my birthday, RTB came home with a card, a book, flowers and ............

Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.....!

My life was spectacular. I climbed, I swam, I ran, I undertook daring feats and puzzles. I tried very hard to fit in work around my challenges. RTB sat alongside me and we sometimes played together.

This wasn't however always successful as he insisted on being Lara and by this point I was on 3 fixes a day and could no longer share them.

RTB decided that we needed a break. We should go for a long drive and stay somewhere overnight and get out and hike in the hills.

Mmmm, good idea, I've got perfect agility now......

He would drive and we could maybe go out that night and explore the town

yeeees, I wonder if I have a belt I could attach 2 knives on....

Packing was minimal. No need for anything other than shorts and boots. That way I would be ready for anything.

We arrived late in the afternoon, went to our room and after a bath and cup of tea, rediscovered ourselves so to speak. (I'm British, tea will do it for me every time...!!) ((nah only joshing)). The next morning, resplendant in my sense of woman, RTB and I got on our hiking boots and hit the town.

Matlock in Derbyshire is very craggy and sheer hillsides. EXACTLY LIKE IN LARA CROFT LAND.... I wandered around in a trance as I felt overcome with the parallels.

'It does look like the rocks in level 6 doesn't it?'

RTB's face said it all. I was out of control. My life HAD become unmanageable.......

So no, I shall not be checking out Second Life........

qwk msg

2008-01-30T22:06:00.000Z

Didya miss me??

Phew, seem to have been very busy and completely out of touch.

Just to let you know that I am still around, haven't forgotton, will be back at the weekend.

The Lodgers

2008-01-22T20:08:00.000Z

oh dearie dearie me.....

They're baaack

The Lodgers

Mice

Well, scratching at the walls on a neighbours side but it's got me twisted round the bend at the prospect of having to deal with them again....and so soon.

Moving is definitely the only answer

This time I've requested that The Rat Man they send be over 12 this time.........

Work reasonable today, working from home tomorrow. Concerns about the US shares index, affects globally. Me personally with my work and house prices. Goddamn stupid Bush. Whatever your polictics he simply hasn't managed this at all. We all suffer the outfall of his actions. Stupid stupid man.

Grrr, he's a total fuckwit. Big corporations are far too clever for him. What a CV he has!

Hmmm, there goes my next US visa then........

a week with a view

2008-01-20T22:26:00.000Z

Has it really been a week??

Picture taken Sept 2005 in Limoges, France. Had a girlie week in France, remembered I had my lovely VW Golf at the time as well.....

Take a peek at the roof lines, how amazing is that??

Shitty week at work again, spoke to an agent and said, 'get me outa here'.

She's working on it. Busy weekend, lovely though. Caught up with friends. Ali and Dog stayed over, drank wine, Champagne and beer, ate masses, chatted loads - brilliant! Simon and Fletch brought my bike round and nestled it in the garage. Played lively games with The Boy whilst Darling Daughter joined in and laughed a lot. So good to see after recent events.

Did 2 work reports and no housework.........

All muddled up

2008-01-13T19:22:00.000Z

This picture doesn't have any relevance to what I'm about to write about, it's just that I thought I should use more pictures on the Blog. And as I am a universal paranoid woman about her image, I am reluctant to post any of me!!

This was taken 2 summers ago of Leatherhead High Street, the town where I live. Bustling eh???

Anyway, feeling somewhat paranoid that I am about to lose my job, with good cause to I might add, I have had a shitty weekend stressing about it all.

I shall be proactive and look for another job but I know what i'll do. I'll say 'poke your job' and buy a plane ticket and never come back.......

No not really....

Things are really tough at work and I don't know if I'm gonna get a chance to prove myself before 'they' say thank you and goodbye. The Construction Director was shown the door before he got the chance. If I could last til end of March I would have made significant changes and even if they said 'heave ho' it would have given me enough time to save at least a months salary!!

SO, enough of the 'poor me's'. What did I do this weekend? Well I never got to do the housework, washing or tidying.

Don't worry it's not really a slippery slope.....just freedom!

So I had lunch with an old friend, Dog, on Saturday. Not old in years particularly, old in friendship years. That was good. Sunday caught up with Karen H and Darling Daughter and The Boy

So how was your weekend??

Frosting

2008-01-08T20:15:00.000Z

This time last year I had come back from the States and was in shared digs. I do miss my flatmates but oooo no I do not miss the flat! This was the view from the flat this time last year.

Pretty! A light dusting. And fabulous as I didn't have to be at work so I could enjoy it.

It's raining and very very windy today......

reflections in a mirror

2008-01-06T10:59:00.000Z

January is historically a month for reflection and I woke with a hot sweaty jump early this morning. Not because some hunk was trying to engage me in a little bit of rumpy pumpy, or that the heating thermostat had surged, or that big ugly scary monsters were about to get me in my dreams. No. As usual, with no heating on and just a summer duvet for cover, my menopausal system I having been living with for the past 6 years overheats and won't allow sleeping for more than 3 hours without disturbance.

Not ideal but that's a whole different story......

Reflecting on matters and thinking about yesterday's post, I remembered why I started this Blog back in May 2005. Actually I didn't start it. 2 guys started it for me as a live diary to the web site they had also created. The whole thing was created as a tool for information and contact during a sabbatical I had planned.

I was pausing my demanding life and travelling across the southern states of the US, east to west, over 3 months....on a Harley....on my own.

The Blog, it was explained to me, would be a way to write a diary of my time so that my family and friends would know I was alive.

Well things have moved on considerably!!

After a number of complications, went to the US, loved it, wrote the Blog, came back. Still wrote the Blog, I think it kept something of my journey alive.

Today I have decided to continue with the Blog, apart from my Darling Daughter and The Boy, it's the one constant in my life. How its morphed to date is just as relevant to me now as the content back in 2005.

It is an exercise for me and if others read it then that's good as well. If some comment that's encouraging too.

The web site name ownership lapsed as did the hosting. As I didn't 'own' it I wasn't able to do much about it, or anything that I understood. I have now bought the name again and will look to put together a new site, one I control! What this will be about will prepare for the future.

For now, I'll keep going with the Blog........hope to see you again

for recent readers; why I remembered I like Blogging. Find these posts, Can't work out how to do the automatic link, sorry....

Saturday, January 20, 2007
Tour of Duty

Saturday, January 27, 2007
Afternoon tea at the Ritz

Brief but not 'ing'

2008-01-05T10:53:00.000Z

Time eludes me....

Thought I'd catch up and write a post but ended up surfing (hmm, does one actually 'surf' Blogs?) the Blogsphere.

All I can say at this point is 4 hours later I am writing a few lines here then running outside into the world to remember who I am!

It was good to catch up on Blogs I like, interesting to read some of their links and damn right royally weird to find random Blogs. I have to say some people are so far up their own backsides that I want to scream, and why on earth do people buy into it??

Lot of sad lonely people out there. My advice, such as it is, haul your bloody carcass out into the real world and MIX. A hello to the supermarket cashier would do you the power of good.

Anyway Muhd Imran, or is that the other way round? Apologies if so. Anyway he has 'tagged' me and I'll get that sorted shortly, just like all the other stuff I need to sort I know CJ........

Parking chaos

2008-01-01T15:44:00.000Z

What happened?? There I was drinking, eating, chattering, watching television, playing games then all of a sudden it's time to go back to work!! groan....

Christmas has been eventful - and not always good!

Well, I'm looking forward to the New Year, Lord knows it's gotta be better than the last one.......

On a separate note, I had a new neighbour move in on 22nd December. I thought as it was so close to Christmas I'd wait til the New Year to scare...no sorry....introduce myself. It seemed that an elderly lady had moved in on her own. She hadn't got any curtains up and I smiled, a lot, as I passed her window laden with heavy shopping bags, day after day. (Just how was I going to consume all this food..)

She never smiled back

I decided that she might have a little difficulty with her eyesight...

I continued to smile

As I struggled with the shopping bags, dropping the bag with jars of exotic pickles and chutneys, whilst forcing the wrong key in the front door, I had warm thoughts that my new neighbour and I would spend a couple of hours on a Saturday or Sunday morning chattering over cups of tea and homemade ginger biscuits, organising the world at large.

On the 24th, and feeling rather festive after visiting friends and singing carols at the local hospital, I drove into the development looking forward to watching a late film with a mince pie and cup of tea. (Sad but true....) What's this? Yet another car parked in my car bay??

I walk past New Lady and smile....just in case she can see me. I see a man slumped in a chair with a bottle and glass of red wine by his side.

I smile. Just in case New Man can see.

I figure they haven't worked out which is their car bay yet, particularly as the Slovakians have been parking in their spot for weeks as it was empty and my bay seems to be the only one that has a car that actually moves these days.

I make a mental note not to get bothered and will mention it in the New Year if they haven't worked it ou by then. Besides how lovely to have a nice old couple close by. I drift off again thinking of the pleasant chats we will have over the garden wall......

On the 26th Dec I go visiting then come home and find the car in my bay has moved so I zip in, secretly hoping I won't now have to explain to them. I would just like to introduce myself as their neighbour and have a nice chat, not introduce myself then say 'remove your fucking car you moron....!!'

Well that's what I figure it'll sound like if I have to explain it my car bay......

Today I take Darling Daughter and The Boy back to their house. The Boy enjoys the ride in Nannie's Car but declares:

'Noooo - no - go - Nannie's - house.'

'Oh dear Mother, I don't think he likes his house now'

'Go - Nannies - house - now'

'He probably misses CBeebies' (BBC childrens television channel)'

'Back - Nannie's - house'

'Cheers for that Mother, now my son doesn't want to live with me either!'

Fortunately Darling Daughter is laughing as she says this and I am most relieved as the prospect of living with The Boy 24/7 would bring me out into a cold sweat.......

I get back to my place and New Neighbour's car is parked in my bay again. I decide that I will leave a friendly little note on the car. Nah, that always seems a little cowardly and I don't want New Neighbours to feel awkward.

I tap gently at their door.

New Man answers

I sincerely hope my surprise is masked in my cheery 'Hello I'm Tanie, your neighbour and I wanted to welcome you both'

'Tanie, ah, right, mmm, hello. Hello'

'I would have popped by sooner but what with Christmas I thought you wouldn't want to be disturbed'

Eee gads what HAS happened to your ear.......

'Well Mum has been very busy, there's so much for her to do'

Erm have you had earings yanked off??

'Of course moving is a major upheavil and .........

Or has something bitten it off

'NO!'

'Oh, I see'

But I don't.....

'Mum has a lot of stuff she must do. Lots'

His hand is holding the door close to his side so I couldn't see into the apartment even if I wanted to.

'Right'

And of course now he's acting weird I want to! Why hasn't New Lady come to the door? That's a bit odd isn't it?

What is this 'stuff' she has to do?

I decide to mention the car parking as New Man has burst my bubble of pleasant afternoon chit chats over the garden wall

'Is that your Renault by the way?'

'Yes'

'It's just that it's my parking bay, I believe yours is the one on the end next to the wall'

Pleeeeease don't let this deteriorate

'Yes I thought it was, I saw it had no 8 on the wall and figured it was Mum's'

'Right, well don't worry about moving the car today'

Phew this isn't too bad....

'Well I park where there's a gap okay'

Ahhhhh, mmmmm

'All the bays are allocated, one to each property. I suspect the red car in yours is your neighbour upstairs, they probably don't realise that anyone has moved in here'

Of course they do, they are just inconsiderate

'I'll park in another gap sometimes'

Oh good grief.....

I look at New Man. He is in his early 40's, bald, a bizzarely ripped ear, and helter skelter eyes.
I sigh. I was soooo hoping for a normal considerate neighbour!

2008 WILL be good, really it will......

Rough with the smooth

2007-12-21T21:38:00.000Z

Hooray

It's the end of work for a while, how fabulous is that??

Okay all I have to do now is buy all my Christmas presents, deliver all my Christmas presents, post all my Christmas cards, buy all my Christmas food, tidy my entire house, cook all my Christmas food and enjoy myself..........

Looking forward to having friends over and that gorgeous Boy with Darling Daughter. Sadly things have been somewhat difficult of late. The Boy's father has decided to walk out on the family 6 weeks ago and it's not a good time as I'm sure you can imagine. Still Father Christmas shall definitely arrive down the chimney at The Boy's house on Christmas Eve as he has been an exceptional angel and he deserves something nice.

SOS

2007-12-17T20:10:00.000Z

It's been a while....

I've been to a few Christmas parties, embarrassed myself at one, snogged some bloke at another, spilt hot spicy salsa on a white top, broke a heel on the shoe of my favourite Stuart Weitzmans & drank too much Champagne at another....

Well, come on, it is Christmas!

Off on a 3 hour drive to stay at a hotel in the Malvern Hills tomorrow morning. A 2 day trip that culminates in my company taking over the hotel and partying til dawn.

Groan......that'll be the pleading of my tender and swollen liver......

Cosmic Ordering

2007-12-07T20:09:00.000Z

I have been somewhat stressed of late, well since the job began really! Big learning curve and been fighting a political war. Finally today I have won the war, hooray.... Guess there'll be a few more skirmishes before I'm done.

Thing is, I dry up creatively when I'm under stress. I don't like it.

I really just want to be able to write. Just see the world and write.....

So I have decided to do some Cosmic Ordering again. I last placed an order in January this year. It worked!

Well, partly. I ordered money and a new place to live that had a view and garden. I got the new place, not strictly mine but with a better view and a terraced garden stamp.

I didn't get the money

Actually that's probably not true. I got a job with a good salary.

Hmmmm maybe I should be more specific when doing this Cosmic Ordering stuff.....

facts to store in the corner of your brain

2007-12-02T22:35:00.000Z

Did you know.......

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes...

A snail can sleep for 3 years...

Women blink nearly twice as much as men...

too tired man

2007-11-29T23:12:00.000Z

I have a cold

It's a mutant cold

I appear to have caught it from my Darling Grandson who has been very very poorly.

I have had to go to work all week. Meetings all day Monday, couldn't slep Monday night as nose to blocked. Fly Heathrow to Leeds Tuesday to do business once again in Ilkley........

In bed, ill...

My colleague called me Elton on Tuesday night....................

i want to be looked after!

awash with lemons

2007-11-20T21:16:00.000Z

Well diet lasted 1 full day.....

Good God I'm hopeless. I have such a strong resolve for most things in life - just not food and drink it would seem.....

Not gonna mention it again. I tried and failed. Move on!

Went out with a work colleague tonight. ate loads and sunk half a bottle of wine. Feel fabulous! Actually feel fat and bloated but not gonna talk about it, right?? I'm actually lying...well sprawled, on my bed, my very big bed and feeling quite uncomfortable and very grateful that it's just me in, or on, it.

Okay, lets have a rant!

1) I hate those flipping ridiculous 'Sat Nav' systems people fit in their cars. If they've been fitted retrospectively they light up the inside of the car like a firework and become totally distracting, and therefore dangerous. In the UK to drive your car with the interior light on is illegal so why is having a mounted flashing unit on the dashboard different?? Besides, just use a good old fashioned map. Or perhaps people can't read anymore..... DO other countries have them???

2) I'm soooooo over reality tv and celebrity reality shows. Who cares? I crave some culture!

3) Why are the good films on late at night when I want to go to sleep?

4) Why does it take so long for my hair and nails to grow?

5) Why can't I say Happy Christmas??

6) I love my family and friends so much that want to take all their pain away

7) Will I remember I wrote this in the morning and will I remember I have to get up for work???

rent a man

2007-11-18T22:31:00.000Z

If I can face going into the wardrobe in the spare room, these are the shoes I want to wear tomorrow.

2 things might stop me;

a) It's likely to be pouring down with torrential rain and they are a lovely soft suede
b) The mice were in the wardrobe and the Rat Man doesn't come back til Thursday morning and even with disposable latex gloves I simply can't face going into places that have yet to be reclaimed.

OH GOD I NEED A MAN........

praps I could rent one .......

Diet no more

2007-11-12T21:21:00.000Z

Day 2
Breakfast:Fruit and seeds

water water water

5 trips to the toilet....

lunch: soup, nuts and fruit

water water water

6 trips to the toilet.....

Dinner: salad, fish crumble and strawberries on a meringue nest with whipped cream.....AAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHH

I was at a sponsorship night and failed miserably! Ah but I didn't drink any alcohol so that surely counts??! As head honcho I had to visibly partake in all we were offering our guests otherwise it'd be very rude right??

Actually by dessert I was so cheesed off with 'failing' that I wasn't feeling in...well let's just say I was a tad pipped off.

Moving around the dining table I 'worked' the guests, giving them all individual attention, telling them all about what their fabulous hosts and sponsors did and then settled to talk to a couple of GP's (doctors in general practice)

Hmmmm

Lady Doctor was seated at the end (or head, depending on your interpretation) of the table with her husband, Man Doctor. Man Doctor was quite pleasant, sitting upright and eating his supper and drinking his wine. Lady Doctor on the other hand had her right elbow on the table and her head slumped into the palm of her hand whilst poking her food with a fork held with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand.

'so, how do you make it work'Lady Doctor snarled at me

'what in particular' I am confused

Lady Doctor flings her fork across her plate

'the restaurant'

Lady Doctor refills her wine glass

'well we have considerable years in managing developments all over the country and...

'you are all the same, what makes you think you lot can do it, so many businesses fail you know'

'I'm very proud that we've been doing very well for many years'

'yeah? Well what's the catch my dear'

Lady Doctor continues to guzzle her wine

Man Doctor simply carries on eating without any emotion

'I don't think there is one,and we are very fortunate to ha...'

'silly woman, there's always a catch'

Lady Doctor refills her wine glass yet again...

'I'm not sure that our customers would necessarily agree with th......'

The other guests are looking up

'Bollocks! You're all crap. There is always a catch'

Oh dear

Lady Doctor picks up the wine bottle once again.

Man Doctor keeps his head down finishing his strawberry meringue

I leap up

'Absolutely and the catch is.... no more wine'

I take the bottle from a startled Lady Doctor and suggest that she moves into the bar if she's unhappy with us, her sponsors.

Before she can speak, and before the party of guests, I jump up, pull her seat and lift her out as I say;

'No please, please. Don't let me keep you here if you feel uncomfortable about taking our hospitality'

'But I don....'

'No I insist'

I lead a startled Lady Doctor into the bar and deposited her with the manager.

Man Doctor rose, thanked me for the hospitality and led Lady Doctor out of the building............

Me? Well I couldn't WAIT for Day 3..............

Skinny Minnie

2007-11-07T21:56:00.000Z

Oh good grief. I have to sadly report I am as big as a house.....

I say sadly as I don't really want to be this big. Now I have never been a size zero, wouldn't want to be, but I have been a comfortable UK size 12 for my twenties and thirties. I have always been proud of my curves; boobs (natural!) and hips. Somewhere along the line I aged and put on weight. I didn't really pay attention. It just kind of happened without any blasted effort.

I could go on and on about the problems, excuses, reasons whatever they are. The fact is I am considerably more than a size 12.

How can I break the vicious circle?

I never diet, it is a torture that I never wish to put myself through. I love food, treats and naughty things. I did however manage a day of Detox Diet today. Lots and lots of water. Spent most of the day in the toilet as the water ran freely through my system. I got up 3 times in my meeting this afternoon!

It's almost the advent of the Christmas Party season and I can't bear hanging out with the 'London crowd' looking like this. Lil Sis once said to that people remember a smile more than anything else.......

Okay so managed day one, would like to get to day 14 so let's see how I go. Drat, it's going to be even more difficult with the business trips.

wish me luck .........

Year by year

2007-11-04T15:31:00.000Z

What a difference a year makes....

This time last year I had just enjoyed a week in the UK celebrating The Boy's first birthday and heading back to the USA with a horrid cold.

We celebrated The Boy's second birthday on Saturday, en famile. I went over early and armed with a mug of tea, sat down and watched as The Boy opened his presents.

One by one

That is, open one, proclaim 'wow', and play with birthday toy for ages before being interested in opening another one.

Hmmm, are we really related????

Having spent all day, and I do mean all day, opening presents we (Father of The Boy, Darling Daughter and The Boy)all took off in my car to see a show. Brum. A car that saves the day from naughty robbers and the like.

It was truly apalling and I was quite grateful that The Boy wanted to leave just before the interval.....

We headed off to the park. Which was truly wonderful! It had a fantastic playground area with so many activities I ran around like a loopy kid myself. The Boy never seems to mind what I do. He laughs at me often......

Quite a gaggle of early teens came into the play area and let their hair down. I'd forgotton how self conscious that age group really are! I sat on a bench and watched my Darling Daughter and The Boy running around, laughing and trying every swing, frame etc in sight. I watched the Teens. What did they call them in West Side Story? The Jets. Forgotten the others. There they were, in hormonal hell and fighting for every second of their growing independance.

I sat contented and happy on the bench as dusk came upon us

'Watch the fucking slag, she's fucking trouble, fucking hell, fucking bitch'

Arrrghhhh
My God what on earth was that??

I had promised DD that I would get on with Father of The Boy all day, and he with me. Did reprimanding 40 youths count???

I decided it did and wandered over to a steaming DD and scooted the family out of the park. I say steaming as she was livid with the growing troublesome element and I reminded her that we were all 'happy happy' today. She smiled and we ran to the car. Well not counting the brief visit DD needed to make inside a group of dense shrubbery to wee.....

Back at home we continued with the opening of presents and had a small celebratory high tea. Finally, with a few presents still unopened, The Boy agreed without hesitation to go to bed when DD asked if he was ready.

DD and I sat down to watch the latest Harry Potter film with tea (too tired for the pink champagne I'd bought for this very occasion) and cake. Father of The Boy curled up on an armchair playing with his DS. At least I think that it's called that, it's the brain game thing. The one that Tom Cruise's ex Aussie wife advertises on UK tele.

And now today I am busily avoiding the housework and remembering last year when I got on a plane, Miami bound..............

A mouse among men

2007-10-21T11:15:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I felt a little emotional - no idea why. Perhaps just a build up of life in general.
This morning I have been reading all my old posts from Oct 06 - Dec 06. I want to have a shower, pick up my passport and get to the airport to get the next available plane to ...... well anywhere!

I'm looking to get a quick trip away in November. Something to look forward to. Time to write. No time these days

I have had some lodgers here for some time and it's been really hard to sleep through the night as they make so much noise I end up having naps of about an hour at a time. So I end up going to work all crabby and shattered. It's beyond a joke. I have tried a number of standard measures to get them to move on but to no avail. I have even taken to sleeping with a large heavy solid torch by my bed to bash them with if necessary!!

I called in the experts, finally, and some young lad of about 12 turned up - a day late - and informed me he'd do what he could do that day and he'd return in 2 weeks time to see if the actions had suceeded. It'd take a while and that I'd have to live with it for a bit longer. Could I move out for a while if it distressed me so much?

Not on your life.

I am reclaiming mine.....

I was convinced I heard some screams last Saturday morning. I put my hands over my ears. I couldn't cope with the guilt.

Why couldn't they have just moved out? Why had it got to get to this stage?

12 year old boy is due back on Wednesday to see if all is well in PinkIcing home once again.

Me, I just hope that 12 year old boy has managed to poison the MICE and they really are no more........

a very special birthday

2007-10-15T23:06:00.000+01:00

16 October is a special day

It's one of my bestest friend's birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CJ............

CJ has stuck by me through thick and thin - weight and life!

I love you loads CJ and hope that you have the very best of times xxxx